Happy (Belated) 3rd Anniversary, Rants of a Diva!

I always remember my blog's anniversary because it (coincidentally) occurs on Our Lord and Savior Oprah Winfrey's birthday. For some reason, I got my dates mixed up and it wasn't until I was on my way out to work for the day that I realized yesterday was, in fact, my blog's birthday. Oops! How careless of me.

Wow, three whole years. I can't even believe it. When I started Rants of a Diva one random night as a freshman college student, I never would have thought it would last more than a couple months. I guess I underestimated how much I really enjoy getting online and bitching about any random thing thing that comes to mind. To be honest, though, I don't think Rants of a Diva would still be around if it wasn't for friends and commenters alike who express appreciation and encourage debate on many of my inane postings. So, as I say every year, THANK YOU. Thanks for sticking around and continuing to make Rants of a Diva an interesting place to come back to day after day.

As I do every year, I like to offer up a summary of my best and favorite posts of the past year as a way of celebrating of the year's accomplishments and introducing any new readers to what Rants of a Diva is all about. Let's dig in, shall we?

Film Rants
The Razor's Edge
If you ever want to find yourself attacked by random people on the interweb all you have to do is insult Tyrone Power and the vultures will come. Learned that one the hard way.

The History Boys
So much potential--namely from Stephen Campbell Moore and Dominic Cooper--squandered on morally ambivalent themes, lazy direction and a ham-handed lead performance.

So Many Women, So Little Time: Up in the Air and Nine
Was I the only one offended by the sexual politics of both of these movies?

The Hangover Will Not Be Nominated for Best Picture
The whole buzz behind this movie still baffles me. How this film won a Golden Globe will puzzle me until the day I die.

Salò
I'm still scarred.

My Inner Monologue During Twilight Saga: New Moon
Opening night: "OMG TAYLOR LAUTNER IS SO SEXY"
Two weeks later: "WHY IS THIS FILM SO BORING?"

Were the World Mine
What a lazy piece of homophobic trash.

Performance Highlights
8 Great Things About Susan Hayward in I'll Cry Tomorrow
Easily dismissible by today's acting standards as a ham, Susan Hayward turns her usual mannerisms into one of the most psychotic looks at alcoholism ever portrayed.

Taraji P. Henson Can Do Amazing All By Herself
Ignore all the haters; Tyler Perry delivers his smoothest film to date while Taraji P. Henson proves that she's an actress to reckon with.

The Tween Subculture
Jonas With a Chance
My initial impressions of JONAS and Sonny With a Chance. An obsession builds.

Send It On. On and On.
An interpretation of the behind the scenes drama on the music video for Disney's global warming anthem 'Send It On.'

"Soooo Chad. I Need a Favor"
Is Chad Dylan Cooper the greatest actor of his generation?

Le Music
Here Come the Girls
Six music videos from both old pros (Britney!) and newcomers (Demi!)

Albums of the 2000's: Britney Spears Blackout
I haven't gotten around to writing another installment of this series (damn me for not being a music writer) but I hope you enjoyed this ode to THE best album of the past decade.

The Boys!
Lady GaGa Knows Her Stuff
The chrorus to 'Boys Boys Boys' is represented visually by yours truly. Your welcome.

Zac Efron & Les Auteurs
He wants to work with some challenging directors. Here's what I imagine his projects with various auteurs would look like.

Imaginary Boyfriends of 2009
You loved my 2008 edition and, lo and behold, you also appreciated 2009's roster. Includes Sterling Knight, Kris Allen and Chad White.

My New Favorite Gays
Kings and The United States of Tara introduced us to two gay characters I would kill to see more of in the movies and on TV: the manipulative and scheming villain and the quiet, classic film-loving cutey.

Lists
25 Best Performances of the TV Season
Truth: I actually kind of don't like this post. I think my writing is atrocious. But, nonetheless, you all went crazy for it and commented on it more than any other post this year. Thank you!

My Top 10 Ideal Action Stars
What would happen if Miley Cyrus and Victoria Beckham were cast in stupid action blockbusters?

22 Reasons to Celebrate Zac Efron's 22nd Birthday
An ode to my future husband on his birthday.

Assorted Goodies
People Who Can Suck It: Gwyneth Paltrow and Megan Fox
These two are both twatbags for completely different reasons.

Casting The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay
My new favorite book was, at one point, slated to be made into a movie. Here's who I want to be cast (In retrospect, however, I would completely trade out Kellan Lutz as Tracy for, as someone randomly suggested, Chris Pine).

The Ladies of 2009
The female counterpart to the Imaginary Boyfriends. These six women made 2009 a year to remember.

Faye Dunaway vs. Hilary Duff
The Duffster tries to throwdown with the one and only Faye motherfucking Dunaway. Guess whose side I'm on.

Things I Learned at the 2008 Oscars
RDJ is hot, Zac wants to have sex with Dev Patel and Beyoncé is a motherfucking DIVA.

I Am Terrified for the Future of Filmmaking
If all directors of the future are as retarded as the ones in my film class this past semester, I mourn the loss of the medium.

My New Favorite Celebrity Couple
You can keep your Brangelinas--Meestan is the celebrity couple I can truly get behind.

The Moment I Became Infatuated With Kathy Griffin

I try not to think of it, but there was a time when Two-Time Emmy Award-Winner Kathy Griffin was not a part of my life. I remember the day I was first acquainted with the D-List Diva. My parents had just gotten the Bravo channel and we kept seeing these commercials for a comedienne who was making fun of Britney Spears and Whitney Houston. Needless to say, I didn't need anyone to ask me twice to see what she was all about. The special was her Bravo debut, The D-List, and today marks the fifth anniversary of its release. Right from the opening, when she proclaimed that Britney Spears was "our new Liza," I knew I was going to like her. However, it was this monologue below that truly converted me to the ways of Kathy Griffin. I swear, the first time I saw this I was laughing so hard, I was shaking and couldn't catch my breath for the longest time. It was the beginning of a beautiful friendship that, fortunately, has only grown stronger with time.

And now it's time for Sharon Stone to get up there and do her opening statements, right. So she goes up and looks, she holds the podium and looks out in the audience and she says, totally seriously, she goes like this, "You know, ummm, I've spoken about this topic so many times, I don't know if there's anything new I can say about it. So, I'm going to read you something I once read a long. time. ago." And everyone's looking at each other, "What is she...?" I don't know. So...right, it's kinda weird, right? So, then she takes out a piece of paper and goes like this, totally seriously, she goes like this, "Imagine there's...no heaven/It's easy...if you try/No hell below us/Above us only sky"...At this point, I get what I like to call the "church giggles." That's when you're laughing, inappropriately at an inappropriate time and you can't stop, no matter what. I mean I got the shoulders going like this. *starts shaking* I'm crying a little bit. Here's the thing: Sharon Stone is reciting the lyrics to "Imagine" and CRYING AT HER OWN PERFORMANCE....that's funny! I'm only human! Alright, so then she stops and goes, "Wow, ummm, that reminds me. I was walking down the street here in New York many years ago and I passed a man and he passed me. And I went, 'Whoa, that's John Lennon.' And I smiled at him and he smiled at me." In the mean time, I'm watching this thinking, "Oh, I though John Lennon was so into Yoko. No, he's cruising the park, hitting on Sharon Stone." And then she goes, "And then we smiled at each other and then walked away...You may say, I'm a dreamer." Alright, she finishes and I look around and there are people literally moved to tears. I'm fucked! 'Cause if they like that, they're not going to like me and my vagina jokes!