Saturday, October 18, 2008

Beyonce Has Lost Her Damn Mind

Yes, I said it. Beyonce has officially gone from occasionally loopy but generally stable to completely batshit crazy. What has caused this sudden transformation? First of all, have you seen those insane new videos for "Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It)" and "If I Were a Boy"? "Single Ladies" is less psychotic, but what the hell is up with that cyborg hand? It's like Beyonce woke up that morning and thought to herself, "The dancing is pretty fierce in this video, but do you know what would make this video hotter? A cyborg hand! Perfect!" Where do you think of something like that? Then, we have the video for "If I Were a Boy." Where do we even begin? If you were expecting an indicting song on male and female stereotypes a la Ciara's brilliant "Like a Boy" like I was, then "If I Were a Boy" is definitely a bust. The song is pretty, kinda, but Beyonce pussy-fies the issue she brings up with completely insipid and generally gross lyrics (Example: In the chorus, Beyonce whines, "If I were a boy/I think I could understand/How it feels to love a girl/I swear I'd be a better man" Ugh, shoot me now). And the video isn't any better. You have to give her points for trying something a little out of the box, but the concept is executed poorly. That bedroom scene in the middle when Beyonce proudly cries out, "Well, it's not like I slept with him" seriously had me laughing for like 20 seconds straight. Where the hell did it come from? You seriously need to watch these two videos to believe them.





The cherry on top of this crazy sundae? Beyonce's new album is a 2-disc collection entitled I Am... The first disc will be called I Am Beyonce and contains "If I Were a Boy" and all of the ballads. The second disc, and here's the insane part, is called I Am Sasha after Beyonce's "alter ego" Sasha Fierce and has "Single Ladies" and the up-tempo tracks. Divalicious move, for sure, but when exactly did Beyonce gain this alter ego? Maybe after the success of Mariah Carey and her Mimi? When did it become normal for all of these R&B princesses (remember Janet Jackson's Damita Jo from a few years back) to suddenly acquire these alter egos? If I suddenly went around campus telling people "My name is James, but my alter ego is Rudolph Desmond" people would think I was a nut, but when Beyonce, Mariah and Janet do it, it's completely normal and almost expected at some point. Say what?

For more Beyonce ranting, check out Stale Popcorn and this amazing post.

9 comments:

J.D. said...

I SWEAR I called this when B'Day came out. She's such a blatant overachiever, right? She tries to do EVERYTHING. Her brain was bound to break one day. And I guess that day was when she decided "If I Were a Boy" was good enough to be her album's CO-FIRST SINGLE. In no universe could that possibly be a first single of any kind. I'm not even sure it's a song.

Girl's lost her damn mind, definitely.

Dame James Henry said...

You're so right, J.D. The signs off Beyonce's craziness have been there for a long time. It was only a matter of time before she went completely schizo.

Michael Parsons said...

I have an Aunt called Sasha....she is fiercer than Beyonce, and makes a killer mac -n- cheese

Glenn said...

Two things: Sasha's been around for a while. I remember her saying that "Sasha" got out during her performance with Prince at the Grammys a few years back. True.

Secondly, "Damita Jo" is, i think, Janet's middle names.

Dame James Henry said...

Glenn, thanks for the clarifications...even if your story makes Beyonce sound even crazier.

Michael Parsons said...

Why must they all go mad?

Michael Parsons said...

Just actually watched 'Single Ladies' clip in full. Kind of looks like American Bandstand for whores a little. Not big on the ole leotard (even on Madonna)...keep expecting a lip to fall out

Anonymous said...

I LOVE TO HATE BEYONCE SHE'S TIGHT BUT SHE'S OVER RATED BUT I MUST CONFESS SINGLE LADIES AND IM A DIVA THOSE ARE HER TWO BEST SONG... WHOEVER WROTE THIS BLOG IS JUST A PLAIN OLE BEYONCE HATER CAUSE SHE'S A GREAT PERFORMER

Dame James Henry said...

Anon: I'm actually not a Beyonce hater. I loved her in Destiny's Child and I think most of her solo stuff kicks ass. If you actually sort through my other posts about her, you'll find that I think she's a great entertainer and performer. Hell, I even liked her in Dreamgirls and most people think it's a shit performance. I don't mind that she's gone crazy--it actually makes her slightly more interesting--but I just find it funny that she's gone soooooo far off the deep end this time.

I still think that "If I Were a Boy" is a shitty song and video though.