Tuesday, October 21, 2008
People Who Can Suck It: Miley Cyrus
Who Needs to Suck It: Miley Cyrus, Disney robot designed for total tween domination thanks to her massively successful TV show Hannah Montana and her Top 40 crossover hit "See You Again"
Why She Needs to Suck It: I'm not going to deny that both "See You Again"-- come on, "My best friend Leslie said, 'Oh, she's just being Miley," is one of the most ingenious lyrics in the history of pop music-- and "Start All Over" are brilliant songs, because they are, but there are two main reasons why she needs to suck it. First of all, Miley is a horribly unfunny comedienne. That wouldn't be such a bad thing if her show wasn't a comedy. I don't watch her show regularly, but I've caught good chunks of a couple of episodes and she's the most clunky, unnatural comedienne I think I've ever seen. How did she get so famous in the first place with that awful, unfunny and confusing (am I the only one who had to have the concept repeated to me at least three times, slowly, just to get the basics?) show. Secondly, this is her boyfriend. Yes, this little fugly elf is dating this hunk of a man. I am beyond jealous right now-- I want to kill the troll and run away to Mexico with her man. So what if he's religious and sings country music? With that body, he could be a priest during guitar mass and I'd still want to bone him.