Random Top 10: "The Beatles," Golden Girls Memories & Gay Born Again Christians (aka Life in a Small Town)

Last Friday, I decided to go home for the weekend to see my parents. One of the things they wanted to do was see a Beatles tribute band that was playing in a local small town's annual outdoor concert series.

(Being the Golden Girls obsessive that I am, my mind immediately jumped to the episode where Dorothy gives up her date to Blanche to see a Beatles tribute band and ends up sleeping with "Paul." Ridiculous, I know, but that's how my mind works. And how can you go wrong with a line like "What do you say about a set that started with 'I've Just Gotta Be Me' and ended with 'Everybody Was Kung Fu Fighting'?" Genius.)

But I digress. I'm not the biggest Beatles fan and don't exactly believe that they are the greatest thing to ever happen to music like so many others. Don't get me wrong, they have some fan-fucking-tastic songs but I find it idiotic that so many people believe that every song they ever recorded is the BEST SONG EVER. I remember during Beatles Week #2 on Season 7 of Idol Simon Cowell commented that even the Beatles had bad songs in their catalog, some diehard fan responded on a blog (or maybe Entertainment Weekly, I'm not sure) that the Beatles didn't have bad songs, just bad Idol singers butchering them. That is just ridiculous. Of course they have some stinkers; what musician doesn't? Even ABBA, my favorite band ever and one of the most critically ignored artists in music history because they made "silly" pop music, has some songs I usually skip whenever they come on my iTunes. I simply find it annoying when someone tries to claim that the Beatles are the exception.

Anyways, I decided to go since I had nothing else better to do and, like I said, I do enjoy a few of their songs. The main thing that I took away from the night, however, had nothing to do with the music, oddly. During intermission, there was this young guy who was sort of emceeing and working the crowd before the 50/50 raffle. He seemed like a generally jovial guy, but I found it odd that out of nowhere he decided to announce that he was still excited about getting engaged to his girlfriend a couple of weeks ago. My first reaction was, "Well, I hope you're still excited about getting married a couple weeks later." My second reaction was, "Wait, that 'mo?" I thought that this shock was all he had in store for us, but, oh no, he had to go and do it again. He then proceeded to give a shoutout to his church, the Born Again Christians, who promptly responded with a cheer that was possibly louder than the band had been at any point. I, of course, rolled my eyes and muttered "Jesus Christ" under my breath. Only in a small town could you possibly get away with doing that and get an enormous response like that. Egad.

But I digress yet again. Let's get back to the music. Overall, I found the band to be enjoyable and they did sound eerily similar to the original band, but I was annoyed that they didn't play more of my favorites. I know, I'm that vain that I think that the whole concert should have revolved around my tastes and preferences, but I can't exactly help that? I'm sure everyone would have reacted that way. So, since they didn't play many of the Beatles songs I like, I thought I'd list my top 10 for you all. Generous, I know.

10. Yesterday A touch overrated, but you have to admire the fact that they squeeze so much out of a song that's barely two minutes long.
9. Revolution A protest song from the Vietnam Era that still packs a wallop.
8. Something That guitar bit is still magnificent.
7. Strawberry Fields Forever One of the only LSD-inspired songs I like and you have to give it props for inspiring the only sequence in Across the Universe that wasn't a complete disaster.
6. Eleanor Rigby The imagery in this song sounds like something straight out of a Bergman film and, yet, it's still one of their most beloved pop songs. Genius.
5. Can't Buy Me Love My favorite song from the movie A Hard Day's Night. So fun and carefree although I don't care for the message (someone can definitely buy my love)
4. Penny Lane Completely adorable. I'm still miffed that Davie Archuleta didn't choose it during either Beatles Week (I know I should let that go, but I just can't).
3. Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da Their overrated early stuff like 'She Loves You' and 'I Want to Hold Your Hand' are beloved for their simplicity, but I find them too simple (as Sophia quips in the episode of the Golden Girls I mentioned earlier, "'Yeah, yeah, yeah'? You call that music?"). There's no denying that 'Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da' is a simple song with it's "La la la la la life goes on" chorus, but I think the simplicity makes it that much better.
2. Let It Be A social message song about peace, love and understanding that doesn't feel preachy or obnoxious.
1. Hey Jude The intro is beautifully done and the breakdown half way through, leading to the the infamous "Na na na na na na na" chant, is freaking epic.

And, as a bonus, here are some of my favorite Beatles covers that are at least as good as the originals, if not better.

The Carpenters 'Ticket to Ride'
By slowing down the tempo of the original, we get to focus on every single crystal-clear note emerging from Karen Carpenter's mouth. I call that a win, don't you?


Bette Midler 'In My Life'
For the Boys may be a complete mess, but the moment when The Divine Miss M starts singing, immediately after telling the soldiers to "shut the fuck up" in a way that only Bette could get away with, is beautiful in it's own subdued way (not exactly a word one associates with the loud and brassy Ms. Midler, hm?)

Jude Law 'Hey Jude'
I can't find a clip of this version with Jude Law from Saturday Night Live in 2004 (you know, the infamous episode where Ashlee Simpson got caught lip-syncing and performed a hoe-down instead) but, trust me, it's a goodie. Jude Law maniacally ripping into "Ju-ju-ju-ju-Judy!" and Tina Fey, Amy Poehler & Maya Rudolph doing the "Na na na" chant in a big circle around him.




Carly Smithson or Kris Allen 'Come Together'
They are both amazing covers but for completely different reasons.


David Cook 'Eleanor Rigby'
His version is the one that made me realize the brilliance of the original. Bravo.


Fiona Apple 'Across the Universe'
I could listen to this over and over again for hours. It's completely soothing and indescribably absorbing.

Sebastian Stan = Paul Newman?

In case you haven't noticed, I've been a bit obsessed with Sebastian Stan lately. I've been trying to spread the love out in case you're getting sick and tired of me talking about him (and his amazing girlfriend Leighton Meester), but I keep finding more and more pictures and info about him that I simply must share that it's hard not to get excited and post it all right in a row. Anyways, I found these pics of Sebastian from a GQ spread earlier this year that had me intrigued. Sebastian, of course, looks gorgeous in the photos, but if you click on the first one and read the intro for the photo spread, you'll see that Paul Newman was an inspiration for the look and such. That's all fine and dandy (you can't do much better than emulating Paul Newman as a style icon) but I found it odd that the writer refers to Sebastian as a "dead ringer" for Newman. Really? At first, I had no clue where they were coming from. How could this odd looking, Romanian-born fellow be a "dead ringer" for the classically handsome, all-American Paul Newman? I then thought about their acting styles and abilities and came to the conclusion that they are actually quite similar in that regard. Newman was never exactly what you call a "comedian." Even in films as light and "carefree" as The Sting or Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, he was still much better with the drama than anything else. And the same thing goes for Stan: the more episodes of Kings I see, the less I believe that he could ever headline a light, fluffy romantic comedy successfully. It's not exactly an insult, just an observation about the types of roles that suit them. Hell, even Meryl Streep can't do it all. Then I looked at these photos repeatedly and I slowly realized they must be on to something because I'm starting to buy this Newman lookalike thing. Granted, I don't think they're long lost twins born in different times or anything, but I can see where they are coming from. How about you? Do you see any similarities between the two or do you think they are worlds apart?

"That movie was two and a half hours?! What happened in it to make it that long?

That quote was courtesy of my friend Megan after leaving Public Enemies about an hour ago. I agree whole-heartedly. For a movie with such a long runtime and with so much going on, it sure felt like nothing happened. Other first impressions: Depp was pretty dull, although I suppose that's because the screenwriters and Michael Mann weren't really concerned with Dillinger as a person. Christian Bale didn't use his Batman voice (thank God!) but it still wasn't exactly what I call high caliber acting. Where is the guy who gave us American Psycho (hell, at this point I'd settle for The Prestige)? Marion Cotillard was pretty and the scene where she taunts the FBI agent who smacked her around after she led them off Dillinger's trail was excellent but it's not the movie called for her to do much more than that. And why oh why would you waste Channing Tatum in a 30 second performance and not even bother to show his face or his chest? C

A Couple of Screwballs

Yesterday morning, I chanced upon a "Behind the Scenes" portfolio of Vanity Fair's latest themed photoshoot "re-enacting classic Depression-era films." Being a huge fan of their all-star photoshoots since their 2006 homage to film noir and their later homage to Hitchcock, I glanced through the portfolio and I must admit that I was somewhat concerned. It's not that the film they're recreating are wrong--for my money, they picked some of the most appropriate and interesting ones (although I would have swapped out 42nd Street for The Gold Diggers of 1933)--it's the models they choose that worries me. An obnoxiously over-tanned Mila Kunis portraying Joan Crawford in Letty Lynton, the movie that defined the "Joan Crawford" look? Rose Byrne, whom I'm only really familiar with as the tightly wound and relentlessly focused lawyer on Damages, doing Ellie Andrews aka Claudette Colbert in It Happened One Night (I'm fine with James Marsden as the Clark Gable character although he's not exactly the first guy I think of when I think of rough macho men)? A fat guy doing Ma Joad in The Grapes of Wrath? Come on, seriously?


The picture that caught my eye and, consequently, won't get out of my head is the above one with Amanda Seyfried and my beloved Channing Tatum recreating the 1936 screwball classic My Man Godfrey. I can totally see Amanda as the dizzy heiress played by Carole Lombard in the original, but Channing Tatum as William Powell? Not so sure. Don't get me wrong, I love the man, I think this outtake is perfectly adorable and I'm pretty sure he'll pull it out in the end (he was a model before his acting stardom) but he's not exactly light and funny in the way Powell always was. When I think of Tatum, the first adjectives that come to mind (related to his on-screen persona, anyways) are "intense" and "driven." I know I shouldn't get this analytical about a dumb photo shoot and worry about the perfect casting for a re-enactment still, but stuff like this bothers me. They had James Marsden all ready for this shoot, why didn't they trade him Channing? His on-screen charisma is obviously more closely related to Powell than Channing. I suppose it all came down to something like age or which model looks better with the other one, but still. Let's choose a little more wisely next time, okay?

Goddess

Zac Efron & Les Auteurs

In the biggest hair-related news since Mary Pickford cut off her curly locks (and consequently ruined her career) in 1929, Zac Efron has finally chopped off the gross, mangy hair he's been growing out since at least the 17 Again press tour. If you have no idea why this is such a big deal, first of all, why are you reading my blog (just kidding, I know I have a couple non-Efron fans in the house)? Secondly, his hair was getting gross. To put it in terms a non-Zac fan might understand, it looked like Robert Pattinson's on a normal, non-shower day or Jake Gyllenhaal's when he was filming Prince of Persia. Yeah, you obviously get the picture now. I'm claiming this as a victory for Zac fans all around the globe: we finally got our sexy man back (and, yes, he's totally winking at me in that picture on the right...jealous?).

Believe it or not, Zac's hair was not the original topic for this post. Surprise, I know. Actually what I wanted to talk about was Zac's never ending auteur-lust. Now, granted, he's not Nicole Kidman or Catherine Deneuve yet and has a long way to go before he even begins to rival them, but if you've ever read an interview with him, particularly between the success of HSM3 and 17 Again, all he kept talking about was how he wanted to mature on-screen and work with a bunch of top-tier directors who have no idea who he is. Since, unlike most young stars in his place, he's actually interested in working his way up like that (although his decision to work with Burr Steers again--albeit in a drama this time--is a little disheartening), I thought it would be fun to imagine what some of the world's top auteurs would do with Zac once they cast him in one of their films.

Lars von Trier: As the final chapter to von Trier's "I Hate America" trilogy, Zac will play a young fellow who is castrated by a Ku Klux Klan-like group of money-hungry and corrupted capitalists (because that's what all Americans are like in Lars World) in an ultra-bloody and divisive scene that goes on for approximately 15 minutes. As a result of the movie and von Trier, Zac will be psychologically scarred and probably do High School Musical 5 or 6 just to get his sanity back and remember what working with a non-abusive director is like.

Gus Van Sant: A twinky hustler on the streets of Portland. Do you even have to ask? You know good ole Gus has a movie for Zac all set in his head.

Pedro Almodóvar: Zac will be gay with Gael Garcia Bernal or banging Penélope Cruz. Either way, we win.

Spike Lee: Zac plays a young racist who has multiple confrontations with an older African-American couple (Angela Bassett and Denzel Washington). Don't expect any easy, Crash-style dramatics and conclusions--this is Spike Lee after all. I'm predicting two race riots, four people dying and at least two shots where the camera is in the middle of the action and rotates in a circle.

Jean-Luc Godard: Granted, I haven't seen a Godard film from the last 40 years. But if I'm guesstimating from what I've heard about his later film and the direction Week End (the most recent film of his I've seen) seemed to be taking, I'm going to guess that this film ends up with Zac standing in front of a white backdrop, dressed in Nazi garb while reciting Marx's The Communist Manifesto for 80 minutes or so. Zac will go on a press tour for the film constantly hailing Godard as a genius and what an honor it was to work with him while Godard's next film will probably contain a random divergence from the plot where the characters recreate a scene from High School Musical 2 and make fun of how idiotic Zac Efron is.

David Lynch: A dark, atmospheric film involving Laura Dern's face, rabbits and a shitload of gratuitous breast shots. Zac will either be the Kyle MacLachlan role or end up dead within the first 10 minutes--it really could go either way.

Todd Haynes: Zac will play Julianne Moore's son who causes her unparalleled distress and misery. Expect a lot of quiet suffering and wordless emotional breakdowns from Ms. Moore.

Quentin Tarantino: In a foul-mouthed homage to 30's gangster films, Zac plays a Dead End Kid-like character who meets an African-American gangster, played by Samuel L. Jackson, who runs the black part of town. He takes a liking to Zac and has him come work for him. Eventually, Zac makes it all the way to becoming Samuel L. Jackson's right-hand man, but not before falling in love with his daugher played by (remember Tarantino's penchant for random casting) Keshia Knight Pulliam. Jackson, of course, is not pleased when he finds out about this. All while this internal drama is happening, the FBI is closing in on Jackson's mob and is planning a huge takedown. When the FBI's attack goes down, expect something as gloriously over the top as the finale to Kill Bill Volume 1.

Woody Allen: Zac plays a neurotic writer who wears glasses and has interactions with countless witty, hilarious women played by fabulous, beautiful actresses who will end up overshadowing him in the end.

What auteurs would you like to see Zac Efron work with? What will they do with him?

Sasha Grey in The Girlfriend Experience

Steven Soderbergh's latest attempt to revolutionize independent filmmaking, The Girlfriend Experience, is a pretty interesting film. It's not breaking any new ground or anything, but it's a generally well made film about a high-class call girl, her gym trainer boyfriend and their relationship in the uncertain early days of the current recession. The real gem in this piece, however, is the performance from much-publicized porn star Sasha Grey.

On a technical front, Grey isn't a terribly gifted actress. Often her delivery and demeanor suggests one of those vapid girls on The Hills and she doesn't exactly have the type of voice you'd want to listen to for hours on end. In all honesty, I really don't see her having much of a legitimate acting career after this. Despite all this, however, I thought her performance in The Girlfriend Experience was an interesting feat, in much the same way that I've always liked Raquel Welch in Myra Breckenridge: on their own they are not very good but in the context of the film, the performance works. Actually, the film and Grey have a legitimate symbiotic relationship; the one without the other truly doesn't work.

The reason I think Grey is so successful in The Girlfriend Experience is because her character, Chelsea, is supposed to be a cipher. She's so good at her job because she is naturally a blank slate for all of her clients to project whatever they want her to be when they are with her. Chelsea may be nodding her head at the appropriate times and pretending to be interested in their worries (mostly about the financial meltdown), but she probably doesn't really care in the least. But these clients don't care because she can fake it well enough and they're too caught up in their own problems to even notice.

Grey's Chelsea is so good at this that when confronted with her own emotions in "real" relationships with her boyfriend and, in snippets throughout the film, a reporter writing a piece about her and her work, she has no way of communicating to them. When her boyfriend confronts her after she tells him she's going away for the weekend with another guy, she sits there and gives very vague and short answers to his (necessary and completely called for) inquisition, almost as if she expects him to know what she's talking about without explaining anything. There's also a really great moment when the interviewer is asking her a question she really doesn't want to answer and Grey's Chelsea just sits there, squirming, obviously hoping that by constantly looking away he'll take the hint and move on:






There are many other small moments like this one that are immeasurable to the potency of Grey's performance. I wish I could be optimistic and say that this is the beginning of a great career, but I really can't (although stranger things certainly have happened). Oh well, at least we'll always have this performance to treasure for years to come.

For Her Fabulous Birthday, She Wants It All

I'm on my way out the door, but I just wanted to wish the fiercest diva (under 30, anyways) of them all, two-time Diva Cup Award-winning actress La Tisdale, a happy 24th birthday! How can you celebrate at home, you ask? Why, it's easy! Just follow these directions:

Act silly

Buy a cake with her picture on it

Be completely fierce everywhere you go

2009 Half-Year Ending Report

Here we are. 2009 is already half done and, damn that just flew by, didn't it? I figured it was high time for a progress report on my favorites in a host of random categories. I'm not sure how many of these will still be here come December, but these will more than do for the moment.

Top 5 Films:

Honorable Mention: Confessions of a Shopaholic (P.J. Hogan) The first film to deal with the immediate impact of the recession. Plus, as an added bonus, features an uproarious performance from Isla Fisher with ample support from a swoon-worthy Hugh Dancy.

5. Star Trek (J.J. Abrams)
A rare critical and commercial blockbuster success that's actually enjoyable. No excessive dramatics, no dumb romantic subplots, just good, clean action and comedy.
4. Sunshine Cleaning (Christine Jeffs)
Nothing groundbreaking, but a keenly observed and quietly moving entry into much-maligned "quirky indie comedy" subgenre. I'd rather have more films like this than Transformers.
3. The Brothers Bloom (Rian Johnson)
The 30's screwball meets the quirky indie comedy meets Ocean's 11. A perfectly charming cast and seeing Rinko Kikuchi blow shit up makes this film a can't-miss.
2. Adventureland (Greg Mottola)
With this, Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist and, hopefully, (500) Days of Summer, the young adult romantic comedy has finally come of age. The stone-faced goddess Kristen Stewart casts a magical spell, enchanting both Jesse Eisenberg's lost college graduate and audience members willing to go the extra mile for her.

1. Up (Pete Docter and Bob Peterson)
It may not be as much of a technical marvel as last year's WALL-E, but you'll be hard pressed to find a more emotionally involving movie, let alone another animated movie. For the first time ever, a film has moved me to tears...and not just a little teary eyed, I'm talking me, sitting in the back of the theatre, water gushing from my eyes like a leaky faucet every 10 or so minutes.

Top 5 Performances:
Honorable Mention: Sasha Grey, The Girlfriend Experience Technically not very interesting and not much beyond the average episode of The Hills, but in the context of the film it works wonderfully.

5. Beyoncé, Obsessed
"You listen to me. You know exactly who this is. You came into my house? You touched my child? You think you're crazy? I'll show you crazy. Just try me, bitch." Between this and that final fight in which she headbutts Ali Larter and utters the line "I'ma wipe the floor wit yo skinny ass," Beyoncé has proved that she is beyond competent in at least one genre: camp.

4. Adrien Brody, Rinko Kikuchi, Mark Ruffalo & Rachel Weisz, The Brothers Bloom
Impeccable ensemble work; none of these performances could have existed without the others.

3. Isla Fisher, Confessions of a Shopaholic
After amazingly hilarious supporting turns in films as mediocre as Wedding Crashers and Definitely, Maybe, Fisher gets the chance to finally headline her first film and boy does she deliver. On most actresses, her loud, over-the-top and nearly insane style of comedy would be too much, but on Fisher it's endearing and utterly can't-catch-your-breath funny.

2. Emily Blunt, Sunshine Cleaning
I liked her (not as much as most people, though) in The Devil Wears Prada, but her performance in Sunshine Cleaning trumps that one easily. It's a shame that she flew under the radar because I can think of few examples of monologues that are as moving as the one she gives when she's confessing to her new friend about the death of her mother.

1. Drew Barrymore & Jessica Lange, Grey Gardens
Flashy, but not excessively so. Lived in, but not too familiar. Stylized, but not annoyingly so. Everything Barrymore & Lange do (giving the best performances I've ever seen from either of them) is nearly perfect. That explosive final confrontation scene between them blisters with pain and hurt and might just be one of my favorite scenes of the year thusfar.

Top 5 Rentals:
Honorable Mention: Nanook of the North (Robert Flaherty, 1922) The first "documentary" isn't exactly a documentary by today's standards, but how can you get that nit-picky over a film this beautiful that single-handedly created a new film style.

5. The Marriage of Maria Braun (Rainer Werner Fassbinder, 1979)
The rise of modern Germany after the fall of Hitler shown through the eyes of Maria Braun, a determined young bride doing anything she can to get ahead in life and be with her perennially absent husband.
4. Two for the Road (Stanley Donen, 1967)
Although the British New Wave tricks are a touch annoying, Donen has crafted an honest, alternatively sad and funny look at a marriage from its humble beginnings to disintegrating end. Albert Finney has never been more likeable (give or take Erin Brockovich) and this may be Audrey Hepburn giving her greatest performance while also looking her most chic (both in competition with Breakfast at Tiffany's)
3. Design for Living (Ernst Lubitsch, 1933)
A dazzling, superbly adapted version of Noel Coward's play of the same name featuring a sexy Gary Cooper, Fredric March at the height of his charm and one of the most underrated actresses of the 30's, Miriam Hopkins, doing what she does best.
2. Masculin féminin (Jean-Luc Godard, 1966)
Godard's fast-paced, dizzying look at the "children of Marx and Coca-Cola" is not only one of his most enjoyable films, it's also up there with Rebel Without a Cause as one of the greatest films about youth ever made. It may be hard for some to ignore the basic misogyny of Godard's vision, but Jean-Pierre Léaud (in his best non-Antoine Doinel performance) and Chantal Goya are so endearing and brimming with charm that you pretty much forget that.
1. I'll Cry Tomorrow (Daniel Mann, 1955)
On the surface, I'll Cry Tomorrow appears to be nothing more than your average 50's star biopic, but dig a little deeper and you'll find one of the most gruesome, dirty and downright ugly depictions of alcoholism ever to come from a studio film. Figure in a career-best performance from Susan Hayward and Jo Van Fleet as her stage mother from hell and you have an all-around fantastic movie.

Top 5 Albums:
Honorable Mention: None Technically this should go to Kelly Clarkson's All I Ever Wanted but I'm docking points for taking a step back after the brilliant and ballsy My December.

5. Royksopp, Junior
Crazy, out there (for me anyways) electro dance pop with a few shining moments.
Key Track: 'The Girl and the Robot' featuring Robyn
4. Melinda Doolittle, Coming Back to You
Melinda Doolittle doing what she did best on Idol: singing. Her retro soul throwback was one of the highlights of the year so far but you can see just how little attention she got.
Key Track: 'It's Your Love'
3. Little Boots, Hands
An album so interesting and listenable that even only on one listen I'm confident in declaring it one of the year's best.
Key Track: 'Meddle'
2. Lily Allen, It's Not Me, It's You
Lily's back and with a vengenace, taking on celebrity mania, boyfriends with small dicks and President Bush.
Key Track: 'Chinese'

1. Agnes Dance Love Pop
Pure silly 90's-era pop. I loved every minute of it.
Key Track: 'Release Me'

Top 5 Singles:
Honorable Mention: David Archuleta 'Touch My Hand' Archie at his most endearing. 3 1/2 minutes of cheesy pop perfection.
5. Lady GaGa 'Poker Face'
I don't know why, but "Russian Roulette is not the same without a gun" is one of the most ingenious lyrics I've heard in a while.
4. Girls Aloud 'Untouchable'
The single version is as good as you can get by editing a 6+ minute masterpiece into 3 1/2, but the album version is where it's at. Pure electropop magic. In 20 years, this is the song our kids will still be talking about.
3. La Roux 'Bulletproof'
This British import is like an mad combination of Tilda Swinton and Annie Lennox who will soon grace the United States with her fantastic presence. Check out her UK #1 hit before it hits the big time over here and you can say "I knew her when..."
2. Leona Lewis 'Run'
It's still the most beautiful song I've ever heard.
1. Jesse McCartney 'How Do You Sleep'
Not only is it the finest song on Jesse Mac's Departure album, it is also probably one of the most perfect summer songs ever.

Top 5 Bonus Tracks, B-Sides, Remixes & Assorted Non-Singles:
Honorable Mention: Dan Black 'HYPNTZ' A white guy singing Biggie's "Hypnotize" over the beat to Rihanna's "Umbrella." This really shouldn't work, but somehow it does.

5. Kris Allen 'Heartless'
A white guy doing an acoustic version of Kanye's 'Heartless'. This shouldn't have worked, but it did and was Kris's shining moment during his incredible Idol run.
4. Agnes 'Love Love Love [Extended Version]'
What's better than 3 minutes of 'Love Love Love'? How about 5 minutes of a gloriously beautiful version of 'Love Love Love'.
3. David Archuleta 'Zero Gravity'
This song is possibly better than 'Touch My Hand', 'Crush' and his version of 'With You' put together.
2. Girls Aloud 'Memory of You'
Girls Aloud's best B-side (if you don't count 'Singapore', that is) and it's still a total mystery why it wasn't included on Out of Control- it fits right in perfectly.
1. Leighton Meester 'Birthday'
Our second glimpse (after her cover of 'Bette Davis Eyes') into the amazing musical talent that is Leighton Meester. The song is still as stunning as when I first wrote about it.

Top 5 Obsessions:
Honorable Mention: The Downfall of those Jon & Kate Plus 8 Assholes I hated them with a passion before so you can tell I'm happy that their "perfect" life is crumbling apart.

5. Kristen Stewart's Obsessive Hair Move
I've been working on my own imitation of it, but nothing will ever match the way Stewart runs her fingers through her hair every 20 seconds.
4. (500) Days of Summer
I hope Oprah is kind to me and doesn't make me wait too much after this film opens in a limited release to expand to my area. I can't wait much more for a dancing Joseph Gordon-Levitt and the one they used to call Anal Girl!
3. Leighton Meester & Sebastian Stan (Meestan)
A better celebrity couple than Brangelina times infinity. There, I said it.
2. Zac Efron and 17 Again
Honestly, this film was my Twilight. I saw it twice on opening weekend despite how bad it is.
1. Kris Allen on American Idol
Don't believe me? Well, you obviously missed January through May here on the blog.

Top 5 (New) Hot Guys:
Honorable Mention: Andrew Garfield Adorable and instantly lovable in Boy A.

5. Alain Delon & Gary Cooper
I had seen an Alain Delon movie before (the oddly titled Have I the Right to Kill?) but The Leopard just solidified his hotness in my mind. Every movie should now legally be required to have at least five minutes of Alain Delon close-ups, don't you think? Gary Cooper, on the other hand, may seem like an odd choice to everyone who knows him through his later work. But back in the early to mid-30's, Coop was one of the sexiest men in Hollywood. I didn't realize this until I rented a five movie collection of his work and boy was I in for a treat. Perfectly dashing in a tux in Design for Living but when he takes off his shirt in The General Died at Dawn or gets all homoerotic in The Lives of a Bengal Lancer, my heart just melted.

4. Sebastian Stan
Not only is he dating my favorite woman on the planet currently, but he's also so odd looking that he becomes cute. And he can act, which is always a plus in my book.

3. Chris Pine
I never really cared before, but Star Trek was just too much for me to resist. He's funny and yummy- you have no idea how rare that combo is.

2. Chad White
Name not ringing a bell? Here's a refresher.

1. Kris Allen
His beautiful face!

Top 5 Blog Posts:
Honorable Mention: Why Isn't Reece Thompson Hired for Every Movie Ever? Seriously. With the young adult romantic comedy coming of age, where are all the parts for the enormously gifted comedian?

5. OH NO THE BITCH DID NOT JUST SAY THAT
My reaction to Hilary Duff's boneheaded response to Faye Dunaway's personal reaction to the news of Duff being cast in a "reimagining" of Bonnie and Clyde.
4. The Most Hated Woman in America
Everyone hates Katy Allen because she's married to the most gorgeous man on the planet (and newest American Idol!) Kris Allen.
3. 10 Favorite Movie Characters
I pick my favorite movie characters ever and, in the process, learn a little something about myself.
2. Lady GaGa Knows Her Stuff
A flash of creativity on my part inspired by The GaGa's 'Boys, Boys, Boys' and, well, you guessed it, a smorgasbord of boys.
1. 25 Favorite Performances of the TV Season
My most popular post of the year so far (and possibly ever). Leighton Meester is apparently still a controversial #1, but I will continue to stand by it.

Oscar-Nominee The Hangover?, or: Have People Lost Their Goddamn Mind?

When the Academy announced earlier this week that they were expanding the Best Picture nominees from five to ten, the interweb went buzzing about what films were now in consideration for the top award. The most common names tossed around were Star Trek and Up, both enormous critical and commercial successes with major pluses in their corner (ST has the Dark Knight factor plus a host of shoo-in technical noms and wins while Up has Pixar in its corner plus the WALL-E snub last year). But, the strangest name that came up was The Hangover, Todd Phillips's surprise smash hit about a group of men who are trying to recount the night before after a crazy bachelor party. Granted, these are probably the same people who think Transformers was robbed of a Best Picture nomination in 2007, but I still find it alarming that people would even consider this film on the outside edges of Oscar's radar.

Before I get started, let me just say that this is not the disgruntled ramblings of a man pissed he wasted his precious money on a complete stinker of a film. Far from it, actually. I genuinely laughed heartily quite a few times and thought it was funny enough to overcome it's completely overdone and tired setup. But I have to draw the line somewhere and claiming it to be a film, not just a comedy, worthy of Oscar consideration in any category is right where that line needs to be drawn.

First, let's get the completely misguided idea that Zach Galifiankis is a possible candidate for a Best Supporting Actor nom. If you think I'm kidding, head on over to the IMDb message boards and see for yourself. Their reasoning: if Robert Downey, Jr. can get one for Tropic Thunder, than it shouldn't be out of the question for Galifiankis. Hmm, let's think about this one for a second. RDJ was a former Oscar-nominee making a grand comeback to the A-list after a fall from grace due to drugs and a couple of years working steadily in smaller films to try and build his name up who scored majorly in a huge comic book movie and playing, in Tropic Thunder, an American playing an Australian playing an African American. What in the hell does Galifiankis have going for him besides showing his ass a lot and bashing a baby into a car door? Let me put this bluntly: THERE IS NO CHANCE IN HELL ZACH GALIFIANKIS IS GETTING A NOMINATION. Moving on.

If a comedic film is going to get nominated (and possibly win) somewhere, its biggest shot is in one of the screenplay categories (preferably Original since Adaptation is usually filled with prestige pictures). I can kinda see where people are coming from on this one--hell, Borat got nominated here in 2006--but there's really no chance that it will happen for one simple reason: it's not well-written. Don't get me wrong, the film is funny and there are some great one-liners and comedic moments, but when you think about the film as a whole, there's really no structure or point to it all. I can already feel you starting to protest, so let me explain. Comedic films can be anarchic and often times the best ones are the ones that are a bit messy and all over the place. But there's a difference between the anarchy in something like Bringing Up Baby or Pineapple Express than The Hangover. Bringing Up Baby and Pineapple Express are, indeed, frenetic and teetering on the edge of sanity, but there's an actual point behind all the madness. There is a structure and the madness leads somewhere eventually. You can take any section and laugh at how random and hilarious it is at a given point (the golf game in Baby and the outrageous fight between Franco, Rogen and McBride in Pineapple) but, by the end of the film, it serves an actual purpose. On the other hand, The Hangover doesn't have that solid basis to rely on. It simply feels like the writers sat down and thought, "Hey, wouldn't it be funny if the characters did this..." and randomly added it to any part of the story. The situations may be funny, but they aren't connected in any way and just kind of lie there, forgotten, once the film is done with them once and for all. In other words, Bringing Up Baby and Pineapple Express are the South Park to The Hangover's Family Guy. So, since none of the Apatow films have gotten close to an Oscar nomination, and those are prime examples of comedic screenwriting, I sincerely doubt that the scribes of The Hangover have any chance of hearing their name on Oscar nomination morning.

Finally, let's move on to the big prize: Best Picture. Oscar is notoriously awful with declaring comedies worthy of even a nomination in their beloved Best Pic category. Little Miss Sunshine and Juno were exceptions to the rule in their day and had strong dramatic pathos to rely on during good portions of their run time. Before that, it seems that if the film wasn't a romantic comedy of sorts, you're film had absolutely no shot of making it in. Shakespeare in Love, Four Weddings and a Funeral, Ghost, Moonstruck, Tootsie, The Goodbye Girl all made it in, but they are (obviously) in a different league of comedy than The Hangover. So why exactly are people believing that The Hangover has a shot to make it in? Oh, that's right, 10 slots to fill this year. Well, if you've never followed an Oscar race closely, let me give you a little piece of advice. The Academy would rather dismantle its membership and call it a day than give a Best Picture nomination to something foul-mouthed, crass and non-messagey like The Hangover. Nothing in their history, save for perhaps (and I do mean perhaps) She Done Him Wrong's Best Pic nomination in 1932/33, suggests that the Academy would ever nominate The Hangover for their biggest prize. I know there's no such thing as a sure thing, especially this early in the race, but no way. Not going to happen.

Like I said, The Hangover is not that bad of a film and is actually pretty funny, but it belongs with Half Baked in that odd category of comedies that are funny, but also embarrass you at the same time that you are laughing so much at them. But this Oscar talk is going too far and has got to stop now. C+

Meestan's Big News

I know. I'm excited too!

If the rumors are to be believed and Facebook can be considered a reliable source, then Sebastian Stan has put a ring on girlfriend Leighton Meester (oh, oh, oh). Needless to say, if this turns out to be true, I'm happy for the both of them and wish them much success together.

2008 Diva Cup Awards: Best Picture, Director & Original and Adapted Screenplay

Forgive the lack of justification and explanation, but it's nearly July and I need to finish these once and for all. If you're dying to know about something, however, either leave a comment or shoot me an e-mail (address on the right) and I'll be sure to fill you in.

Best Picture

(for more in-depth reasoning behind these choices, check out my Top 10 List of 2008)


A Christmas Tale
Director: Arnaud Desplechin
Screenwriter: Emmanuel Bourdieu and Arnaud Desplechin
Cinematographer: Eric Gautier
Starring: Mathieu Amalric, Emile Berling, Laurent Capelluto, Anne Consigny, Catherine Deneuve, Emmanuelle Devos, Chiara Mastroianni, Melvil Poupaud, Jean-Paul Roussillon

In Bruges
Director and Screenwriter: Martin McDonagh
Cinematographer: Eigil Bryld
Starring: Colin Farrell, Ralph Fiennes, Brendan Gleeson

Rachel Getting Married
Director: Jonathan Demme
Screenwriter: Jenny Lumet
Cinematographer: Declan Quinn
Starring: Rosemarie DeWitt, Anisa George, Anne Hathaway, Bill Irwin, Anna Deavere Smith, Debra Winger, Mather Zickel

Reprise
Director: Joachim Trier
Screenwriter: Joachim Trier and Eskil Vogt
Cinematographer: Jakob Ihre
Starring: Henrik Elvestad, Espen Klouman-Hoiner, Anders Danielson Lie, Christian Rubeck, Viktoria Winge

WALL-E
Director: Andrew Stanton
Screenwriter: Pete Docter, Jim Reardon and Andrew Stanton
Starring: Ben Burtt, Jeff Garlin, Elissa Knight, Kathy Najimy, John Ratzenberger, Sigourney Weaver, Fred Willard

And the Diva Cup Goes to: A Christmas Tale

Best Director


Darren Aronofsky
The Wrestler

Jonathan Demme
Rachel Getting Married

Arnaud Desplechin
A Christmas Tale

Andrew Stanton
WALL-E

Joachim Trier
Reprise

And the Diva Cup Goes to: Arnaud Desplechin, A Christmas Tale

Best Original Screenplay


Burn After Reading
Joel Coen, Ethan Coen

A Christmas Tale
Emmanuel Bourdieu, Arnaud Desplechin

The Edge of Heaven
Faith Akin

In Bruges
Martin McDonagh

Rachel Getting Married
Jenny Lumet

And the Diva Cup Goes to: In Bruges

Best Adapted Screenplay
(Not exactly a stellar year for adaptations, huh? In a normal year, and by that I mean a year where the corresponding Oscar nominees don't leave me in a pool of my own tears from boredom, at least two of these would have barely made my top 10)


Blindness
Don McKellar

Boy A
Mark O'Rowe

Choke
Clark Gregg

Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist
Lorene Scafaria

Savage Grace
Howard A. Rodman

And the Diva Cup Goes to: Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist

Looking Good, Mr. Westwick

I've always liked Ed Westwick, but I think his charm and personality is more readily apparent in his demeanor on Gossip Girl not necessarily his looks. He's not ugly, but he's certainly an acquired taste and certainly more out there than the bland and all-American looking Chace Crawford. So when this set of photographs from GQ emerged last week, my jaw nearly dropped to the floor. Ed is smoking in these pics. Goddamn, who ever was the photographer behind these deserves some kind of Noble Prize for making odd looking models look like sex gods. If Penn isn't careful (and doesn't shave off that ridiculous beard), he may have some serious competition for the title of sexiest Gossip Guy.