Random Top 10: Best Britney Songs

In honor of Britney Spears' new CD being released today (I'm picking up my copy in a couple of hours!), here are my 10 favorite Britney songs:

10. "I Love Rock 'N Roll" (Britney)

Not as great as the original, but trashy enough to be spectacular.



9. "(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction" (Oops!...I Did it Again)

Ditto the above. In sixth grade I loved this song so much I played it for about four hours straight. I recognize that the Rolling Stones' version is a TON better, but damn this is a good time.



8. "Gimme More" (Blackout)

Forget about the now infamous VMA performance back in September and this truly awful video: "Gimme More" is one of the few songs out right now that I will stop everything and sing and dance to no matter where I am.



7. "Overprotected [Darkchild Remix]" (Britney)

The album version is definitely not bad, but I love the grittier Darkchild remix better.



6. "...Baby One More Time" (...Baby One More Time)

Back to where it all began. It's hard to imagine this was only 8 years ago.



5. "Oops!...I Did it Again" (Oops!...I Did it Again)

I like the song well enough, but this music video is truly fantastic. That red jumpsuit, the instantly memorable choreography, that diva-licious entrance; she had me at "Oops!"



4. "Stronger" (Oops!...I Did it Again)

Such an empowering song and probably Britney's best vocals to date (which isn't really saying much, but I think they're great here).



3. "I'm a Slave 4 U" (Britney)

I loved this song the minute I saw Britney dance with that boa constrictor around her neck at the VMAs. I've even done my own embarrassing interpretation of it.



2. "Toxic" (In the Zone)

This is probably Britney's strongest single. Instantly catchy and one of the greatest dance songs ever. Plus, this is the song that redeemed her after that lackluster duet with Madonna.



1. "(You Drive Me) Crazy [The Stop Remix!]" (...Baby One More Time/Drive Me Crazy Soundtrack)

I know it's not her greatest song per se, but it's the one I've always loved the best. The song is a great improvement over the lackluster album version. This video was on all the time back when I watched TRL everyday after school and every second is a pure nostalgia trip: the emerald green top, the choreography, Melissa Joan Hart, the word "CRAZY" in big red neon letters, the way in which she screams "Stop!" and everything does. Britney was such a diva in this video and I wish her all the luck in the world in trying to find that side of her again.



What are your favorite Britney songs? Let me know in the comments!

"Golden Girls" Moment: A Cake for Sven

[Rose's cousin Sven is visiting the girls and Rose has picked up a cake to welcome him to Miami]

Blanche: Rose, that cake is from the "Get it While it's Hot" erotic bake shop!

Dorothy: Whoa!

Blanche: Why Rose Nylund! Why, that cake is in the shape...

Dorothy: Blanche we know what it is.

Rose: I thought it was in the shape of Florida!

"Golden Girls" Moment: The Girls Get Therapy

[The girls haven't been getting along lately and decided to get some therapy so they can continue living together.]

Doctor: Rose, what do you think of Blanche saying these things?

Rose: I think she's a garconanokin.

Doctor: What exactly does that mean?

Rose: Literally, it's the precise moment when dog doo turns white.

Rose: But in general, it refers to the kinds of person you don't wanna share your hoogencoggles with.

Dorothy: Rose, if you say one more of those stupid words-

Rose: Oh, blow it out your tubenburbles!

Countdown to Britney: 29.5 Hours!

So excited!

One of These Things Doesn't Belong...

The Oscars are Racist

The other day I was looking through a bunch of my old notes on Facebook (which I wrote on a lot before I got my spiffy new blog) and I came across the one I wrote the morning the Oscar nominations were announced last year. Appropriately titled "Oscar Nominations---I'm pissed!", I basically ranted about how Dreamgirls, which at that point was my favorite film of the year, was denied a Best Picture nomination and, at one point, I called the Oscars racist. I'm still a little bitter (although The Departed was a smidge better) but I think it's funny how angry I got. I haven't seen a film yet this year that I will be crushed if they don't get a Best Picture nomination (my two favorites- Hairspray and Hot Fuzz- have no chance in hell) but it could possibly happen towards December and January when I see more of the "real" contenders.

So, I guess this could be interpreted as a warning because when a film or performance I love is getting bashed by critics, bloggers and the racist Academy, I won't shut up about what an injustice it is and just how great it actually is. I did it last year when J. Hud got bashed by everyone on the internet and I will do it again.

Countdown to Britney: 53 Hours!

I know I shouldn't be hyping myself up again after her last comeback, but the early word-of-mouth on Blackout is positive and I'm excited all over again.

Updates to come as October 30th dawns closer.

Random Top 10: Halloween Costumes I Considered This Year

I haven't really done anything for Halloween in roughly 5 years, but this year I've seriously considered dressing up. While none of these costumes struck my fancy, here are the top 10 people I really want to go as:

*Link courtesy of StinkyLulu

10. Bob Fosse Backup Dancer

I'd get to wear tight black pants and shirt, a black hat and get use jazz hands and all the moves in the above picture all night long...how perfect is that?

9. Miss Jay

Miss Jay (of America's Next Top Model fame) confuses the hell out of me--he/she should appear on one of those "Is it a man or a woman?" episodes of Maury--so it would be fun to wear male clothing and then put on makeup and do my hair all funky.

8. TomKat (+ Suri)

I would need a partner to do this one with. Tom would be normal, but Katie would have to be attached to Tom by a chain of some sort. And then Katie would have to hold a baby doll, pretending it was Suri, and then cover it up so no one can see it.

7. Dame Judi Dench as Queen Elizabeth

It has to be Dame Judi's interpretation of the Queen, because she is the most fun and divalicious. The only problem with this costume is that it might be a tad over the top.

6. Britney Spears (either as a mom or at the VMA's this year)

To be Britney the mother, basically I would hold a baby doll with one hand at the weirdest and worst angles (possibly by a foot or something) and sipping a Starbucks drink in the other hand. To be Britney at the VMA's, I need to wear something whorish, put on a really bad blonde wig and then dance around all dazed and confused.

5. Pregnant Nun

I think the above picture says it all.

4. Sgt. Dignam

This is an easy one for me. Shirt and tie, smart ass attitude and say "fuck" every other word. Hell, except for the shirt and tie, this is me everyday.

3. Link Larkin

How cute would I be with the Link curl in my hair and a cute little cardigan sweater?

2. Sheba Hart (Cate Blanchett in Notes on a Scandal)

I just want to have a reason to run around screaming "Here I am" at the top of my lungs, and by going as Sheba Hart (with the running mascara) I would get that opportunity.

1. Faye Dunaway as Joan Crawford

I've been thinking about this costume for awhile and I think this will be the winner. I'm going to pull my hair back with a head band, have someone draw on exaggerated eyebrows, carry around a wire hanger and speak loudly with a rising intonation. Now this is a scary costume.

British Orgasm

A couple of days ago, on one of my many daily visits to Facebook, I was alerted by one of the members of my "Is Dame Judi Dench Gonna Have to Cut a Bitch?" group about this fundraising project for the Revolving Doors Theater in England called Mug-A-Celebrity. Intrigued, I clicked on the link to the website and, once the pictures loaded, I nearly orgasmed at the sight of all the amazing British people (and Juliette Lewis) involved in this fundraiser. Let's run down the list:

• Brenda Blethyn I really need to catch up on her filmography but it was love at first sight for me and Blethyn in Secrets & Lies and she was the perfect choice to play Mrs. Bennett in Pride & Prejudice.
  
• Stephen Campbell Moore I've already expressed my love for him before, but I never get sick of looking at him.
• Juliette Lewis So I'm not quite sure why she's doing this (she's not British) but I still love her from her early 90's work.
• Mark Addy whom I loved on the American sitcom Still Standing (and still watch almost every day on Lifetime).
• Patrick Stewart whom I know all too well from Star Trek (my parents used to watch it all the time when I was a kid).

And, of course, the one Dame who demands my eternal devotion (otherwise I'll probably get cut by her) and was the main cause for my excitement: Dame Judi Dench. I wish I could buy her autographed mug, but it will probably end up being sold for way more than I can afford. I guess I will just have to go on worshiping from afar.

Rants on "Across the Universe" and "Rendition"

Across the Universe (Julie Taymor, 2007): I'm not going to deny the fact that the musical sequences in Across the Universe are a visual splendor for the eyes, because they are. My main problem with them is the fact is that there is no substance behind all the stylization- they are just unusual for the sake of being unusual. Take, for example, the scene in the bowling alley where Jude (Jim Sturgess) sings "I've Just Seen a Face." There are really quick shots of people throwing bowling balls one right after another, bright neon colors flashing for no reason and people sliding the alley lanes that don't really connect to each other or to the song. The only shot I did particularly enjoy was the 5 second shot in which Jude lies on his back and slides down the alley, because it captured what the song was about- him falling head over heels in love with Lucy (Evan Rachel Wood) and not caring.

In those rare instances when the music sequence starts off brilliant, Taymor often fucks it up somewhere towards the middle and makes it less powerful. Overall, "Strawberry Fields Forever" is the best number in the film- the parallels she draws between the strawberries, the song and the Vietnam War are lovely and the image of the strawberries nailed on the wall is just beautiful. But then, as if she doesn't trust in her own ability, she hits us over the head with a sledgehammer to try the ram the point in. She bombards us with loud explosions and chaotic images of a battle field that are a touch too obvious. "Hey Jude" also starts off great, but lost me at the point where the street urchins crowd around Jude and start sing the "Na na na na na na, hey Jude" part.

And don't even get me started about how God-awful the story is. Jude and Lucy fall in love way too quickly and everything afterwards is about as cliched as The Notebook. The rest of the characters hardly even matter in the course of the film and poor lezzie bo-bo Prudence could have been written out completely with absolutely no impact on the story. Evan Rachel Wood is merely adequate as Lucy and her voice is average, at best (although "It Won't Be Long" is kinda awful) while Jim Sturgess is a bit better but still not amazing.


Rendition (Gavin Hood, 2007): I hate how most of the positive reviews for this film (which are, admittedly, few and far between) proclaim that if you don't like this movie you must be a Conservative torch-wielding, pro-torture freak. Well, I consider myself a staunch Liberal and believe torturing people is wrong (duh) and I still thought this movie sucked. The main problem with Rendition is the simplistic script by Kelley Sane reveals to us that "torture is bad" (which most people knew before heading into this movie) without delving any deeper than the surface level of the issue. The way the story is strung together is reminiscent of Babel (not a good thing) and most of it is two-dimensional twaddle: the worried wife at home (Reese Witherspoon), the conflicted CIA agent (Jake Gyllenhaal), the bitchy, two-faced Washington official (Meryl Streep), the Senator's aide who has to decide whether to do the right thing or play the Washington game (Peter Sarsgaard) and the pro-torture Arab monster (Yigal Naor). Plus, as further distractions, there's this weird love story between Yigal Naor's daughter Fatima and a young, Islamic terrorist that sticks out like a sore thumb and offers the most unnecessary mindfuck I've ever witnessed in a film. Gavin Hood's direction is competent but doesn't reveal anything we haven't seen anything before. In my opinion, the most disappointing thing about this film is the weak performances from the lead cast. Generally, a cast including Gyllenhaal, Witherspoon, Sarsgaard and especially Meryl Streep would have knocked this out of the ball park, but, in the end, the two-dimensional characters and lack of anything interesting for them to do (Witherspoon mostly sits and looks worried, Gyllenhaal looks conflicted and Streep basically reprises Miranda Priestley) gets in the way. The only things I did like were the two minutes where, in separate scenes, Jake Gyllenhaal and Peter Sarsgaard learn not to fuck with Meryl Streep because she will cut you down to size and the part where Reese Witherspoon screams "Tell me he's okaaaay!" all melodramatically because it made me giggle.

My Ratings:
Across the Universe: **
Rendition: ** 1/2

Monday Movie Memory: Batman Returns

Before I came to college last fall, I went to the movie theater so infrequently that it was always a special treat. No matter how sucky the film was (and boy did I see some stinkers), I had a ton of fun with my friends, family and reveling in the experience with all the wonderful people out there in the dark. So, for my first entry in this brand new series, I'm going back to the first film I can remember ever seeing in a movie theater...

Batman Returns (Tim Burton, 1992)

Needless to say, this entry is going to be pretty short because I was only four when it came out and the film is really fuzzy in my mind. Here's what I do remember:

1. For some reason, it was just my dad and I who went to see it (I have no idea where my mother and younger brother were).
2. Danny DeVito was freakishly short. And kinda creepy.
3. Catwoman. In fact, Michelle Pfeiffer is only thing I really remember about this movie. That scene where she first puts on that rubber suit and then drinks milk off the bowl on the floor...wow. Looking at this transformation 15 years later still really impresses me (Note to self: Watch this movie again).

Meow indeed...

A History of Diva Cup Awards

Over on the right sidebar, I added a link to my nominees and winners for my Diva Cup Awards from 2002 (the first year I started obsessing about the Oscars) onwards. Also, I posted my Film Logs (aka the films I've seen each year) for 2006 and 2007. I hope you enjoy all these, and let me know what you think!

Montgomery Clift Blog-a-thon: The First Time I Fell in Love With Monty

Sure, the first time I saw a Monty Clift movie (1951's A Place in the Sun) I wasn't so impressed. I don't know if it's because I didn't understand Clift as an actor yet or I just couldn't get over how God-awful that film is, but, suffice to say, we didn't get off on the right foot. I wasn't until a while later when I saw, of all films, Fred Zinnemann's post-WWII Berlin film The Search, that I understood what all the fuss was about.

The film is a merely standard Hollywood outing- a WWII Czech orphan is taken in by an American private Berlin and eventually he starts growing attached to the boy- that makes me gag just thinking about it. But there's something about this film that works and it's all Monty. Steve Stevenson is far from the juiciest role Clift's ever gotten, but the magic is in the chemistry he creates with the little boy Karel (played by non-actor Ivan Jandl). He grows so attached to Karel that he takes him everywhere with him, teaches him English and even fights to be allowed to take him back to America with him. Monty gives such an emotional performance that it's hard to not be a little sad for him at the ending when circumstances prevent him from bringing Karel back with him (I'm not going to give away the ending if you haven't seen it ;) ).


If I had been allowed to vote at the 1948 Oscars, Clift would have won hands down for this performance. Sure, the ultimate winner Laurence Olivier (in Hamlet no less) is a fine choice, but I think Clift had the biggest challenge-- turning the cliched into something beautiful. He doesn't even get upstaged by Jandl, who, as most child actors are, notorious scene stealers.

I don't care what anyone says because The Search will always be the movie I think of when I think of Monty Clift. Perhaps he has given better performances in From Here to Eternity, The Heiress and Wild River, but there's something haunting in this film that I will never forget.

Two CD's I Want Right Now...

Britney Spears, Blackout

Coming out October 30th

Blake Lewis, A.D.D. [Audio Day Dream]
Coming out on December 4th

Whitney Houston on MTV Icon

Has there ever been a more perfect example of Debra Wilson doing Whitney Houston on Mad TV than this clip from their parody of MTV Icon?
Whitney Houston MTV icon

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This is quite possibly my favorite Mad TV sketch ever. I mean, has any other one come up with such funny shit like:

"There are a lot of great singers out there...They're divas....divas....divas....div-ahs!"

"I don't want to smell you or feel you."

"There's only one Nippy. That's me. That's my daddy's nickname for me. There's only one Nippy. I'm Nippy. Queen of the night, I am. I'm Nippy."

"Hey, I know this!...I made this song!"

"I was born because my music is my gift and my gift is my music and my music is my gift because my gift is my music....damn this wig is itching!"

"It's like 90 degrees in here...damn, I'm in hell!"

Plus, Debra Wilson is a comedic genius! Not only does she do an amazing Whitney Houston, but she also does Oprah (those are always hilarious) and she created Bunifa Latifah Halifah Sharifa Jackson, whom I could quote all day ("What...what...what did I do?" "Hey Sonja!").

Short Rants on "Michael Clayton", "The Brave One", "3:10 to Yuma" and "La Vie en Rose"

I'm not exaggerating when I say that yesterday I literally spent most of my day at the movie theater catching up with three films (the first time I've ever done that). And then today I caught another film on campus that I had been dying to see for months. While none of the films blew me away, the performances in them were, to borrow from that immortal Bogie line, the stuff that dreams are made of. Here is my rundown on the films I've seen.


Michael Clayton (Tony Gilroy, 2007): If Michael Clayton isn't exactly a groundbreaking film in the legal thriller genre, the film and director Tony Gilroy deserve credit for delivering a fresh and interesting legal thriller that doesn't feel like a TV show or a vapid John Grisham adaptation. George Clooney plays the title character, a "janitor" (he cleans up the messes) at one of the most prestigious law firms in the country who is told to clean up the controversy caused by Arthur Edens (Tom Wilkinson), the firm's top lawyer, who seemingly had a meltdown during a deposition. Their client, U-North, has been fighting a lawsuit for six years against people claiming their chemicals have killed people and it seems that Arthur's acquisition of documents proving their guilt has prompted him, realizing he's fighting for the bad guys, to go "mad." Clooney is, as always, solid and charismatic as Clayton, proving yet again that he's just getting better as he's getting older, but the film belongs to Wilkinson, ripping into that Chayefskian opening monologue with all the disgust and gusto one can imagine, and Tilda Swinton as an amoral attorney at U-North who gets involved in some dirty deeds. Whereas the strength of Wilkinson's performance lies in his grandiosity, Swinton relies on the quiet intensity of her character- a nervous, flustered mouse who somehow finds the strength she needs to be a good lawyer when it's absolutely necessary...and then falls apart whenever she's not.


The Brave One (Neil Jordan, 2007): I'm not quite sure why this movie got steamrolled the way it did: sure, it's a bit contrived (the cell phone going off in the convenience store), kind of racist (everyone who attacks Jodie Foster is either black or Latino) and the ending is a little ridiculous (but, in its defense, would we really have wanted Jodie Foster to atone for what she has done by going to jail?), but I feel there is more to this film than the "Jodie Foster is a vigilante" label that it has received. To me, it felt less like a vigilante film than one in which all of the security and complicity that Jodie Foster's Erica Bain has known before a brutal attack which killed her fiancee and left her in a coma has suddenly been erased. At first it is fear that replaces the security, but eventually it becomes an unleashing of one hell of a violent streak. She doesn't know where it comes from, but becomes a part of her all too quickly and easily (there is a great voice over that Erica gives while leaving one of the scenes of her crime in which she questions herself as to why she didn't just show them the gun so they would back off instead of shooting them straightaway). As this woman with a mission, Jodie Foster gives a career-best performance. She's no stranger to this genre (Panic Room, Flightplan, The Silence of the Lambs, even The Accused to an extent), but this time she just hits it out of the ballpark. Want proof? Watch her in that elevator scene where she finds the drug smuggler her police officer friend (Terrence Howard) has been trying to convict for years and look at her face as she sizes the douchebag up....Brilliant with a capital "B."


3:10 to Yuma (James Mangold, 2007): I'm not a huge fan of Westerns--I can probably count on one hand the ones I truly love--but James Mangold's remake of 3:10 to Yuma is certainly one of the best I have seen in a long while. It's not an especially deep Western in the manner of The Searchers or Unforgiven, but it is, however, one hell of a good time. Russell Crowe plays an outlaw who is finally captured by the law and is escorted by Christian Bale and couple of other men to meet the 3:10 train to the Yuma prison. But, Crowe's gang of outlaws (now led by Ben Foster) is constantly on their tail trying to free Crowe. The location shooting, as it should be with a Western, is beautiful and even if the violence is amped up for a blood hungry audience, it's still exciting and intoxicating. Bale is merely adequate as Dan, a down on his luck farmer trying to repay his debt, which is rather a shame because he is such a brilliant actor that he almost seems wasted here. On the other hand, Crowe delivers one of his finest performances to date as bastardly villain Ben Wade and Ben Foster gives a star making performance as the slightly effeminate, totally crazed outlaw trying to save his object of affection Crowe from the law.


La Vie en Rose (Olivier Dahan, 2007): It's such a shame that Dahan's biopic of French chanteuse Edith Piaf is such a mess because it probably could have been a really great film if it had been handled better. Not only is it drowning in biopic cliches, but it's also edited in a seemingly random matter that jumps around from Edith as a young girl to singer in New York to young woman on the streets to on her death bed that really distracts from her life (and still left me confused about a couple of points in her life). La Vie en Rose's saving grace, however, is the immaculate performance of French actress Marion Cotillard as Piaf. I'm in such awe after witnessing this portrayal that the only way I can describe it is to borrow the words of Stephen Holden in his review of the film for The New York Times: "Marion Cotillard's feral portrait of the French singer Edith Piaf as a captive wild animal hurling herself at the bars of her cage is the most astonishing immersion of one performer into the body and soul of another I've ever encountered in a film." Cotillard is so intune with Piaf that even though she is lip syncing to her songs, she makes it feel like she is actually singing them herself (a tougher feat than would imagine). Plus, those last five minutes or so where Cotillard/Piaf premieres her song "Non, je ne regrette rien" (which translates to "No, I regret nothing") at the Olympia while juxtaposing with her as a child and then on her deathbed is one of the most alternately breathtaking/horrifying scenes I've seen all year.

My Ratings:
Clayton: ****
Brave One: *** 1/2
3:10 to Yuma: *** 1/2
La Vie en Rose: ***

Excited to See: "Be Kind Rewind"

If you haven't seen the trailer for the new Michel Gondry film Be Kind Rewind, stop what you are doing right now and watch this. It's really freaking amazing! The concept, at first, seemed either hit or miss, but after this trailer, I realize that's it's probably going to be a hit. Michel Gondry is the only director who could do this justice. My only concern is that it's going to be a limited release and it won't come to my movie theater...

Who's coming with me on January 28th to see this?

The Most Sacreligious Thing You Ever Did See

Since I have nothing new to write about right now, I thought I'd share with you the link to the screenplay/play (it can be both) that my friend Ashley and I wrote a couple of years ago. It's called Satan Was a Catholic and it revolves around two misfit Catholics who are forced to star at their financially strapped school's annual nativity play. It was a ton of fun to write and I've gotten mostly positive feedback from my friends who have read it.

So, let me know what you think! I hope you enjoy it!

Also, who should star in a movie version of it? I would love to hear your ideas.

It's J. Lo, Bitch

OMG, J. LO IS BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER! Listen to her new single here and tell me whether or not she is poised to make the comeback of all time. Forget Britney, bitch...it's now all about J. Lo. If her new album Brave (which comes out next Tuesday) is even half as good as "Do It Well" then it will be one hell of an album. Her personal life may be boring since Bennifer split up and she married Marc Anthony, but her music is alive and kicking! Yay for J. Lo!

Things That Annoy Me: People Who Should Be Famous But Aren't

There are few things that annoy me more than when young and talented actors are overlooked for the likes of annoying tabloid-hogs like Paris Hilton, Nicole Ritchie, Mischa Barton and those bitches from The Hills. I love my quasi-celebrity gossip but, Jesus, let some actual talent get a chance to become famous (for, lets say, being a good actor and not by leaking a sex tape or getting out of cars without wearing panties). Here are two actors that, if the world were a perfect place, would get better roles and be more famous than Paris and Nicole put together.

Brittany Snow

Where You've Seen Her Before: Most recently, Brittany appeared as Amber Von Tussle (Michelle Pfeiffer's daughter) in Hairspray, but before that she starred in the underrated TV show American Dreams and the Mean Girls imitation John Tucker Must Die.

Who She Might Remind You of: Vanessa Hudgens plus talent and minus the naked pictures or a toned-down version of Ashley Tisdale.

Why You Should Give a Shit: Because she has the talent to become a major star in the Reese Witherspoon vein. Brittany was definitely the most interesting Pryor child on American Dreams (she was the only actual character who developed over the series next to stereotypes like the Golden Child J.J. and Annoying Smart Ass Patty) and more than proved herself worthy of great roles. After the show was canceled in 2005, Snow landed a 5 episode role on Nip/Tuck as the son's Neo-Nazi girlfriend. I've never seen the show, but I saw parts of it and, although startling to see her go from "I love American Bandstand" to "Heil the Fuhrer!", she was pretty convincing. I suppose the only reason she took her role in Nip/TuckJohn Tucker Must Die was for a paycheck and mainstream exposure, but I'll be damned if she wasn't the only positive aspect of that dreadful Mean Girls imitation. She milked as many laughs as she could from that putrid script and acted circles around Ashanti and that gardener from Desperate Housewives. Finally, with Hairspray, Snow caught a break with her perfect casting as Amber (an amazing reverse take on Meg Pryor) and even managed not getting swallowed whole by the A-list adult cast and ambitious teenage cast. Plus, she had that hilarious phone call scene which still totally makes me laugh ("This is...Mike." "Mike who?" "It's MIKE."---well, it was better in the film than on paper).

What She's in Next: A bunch of indie films it looks like: On the Doll (the weird ass trailer is here); a dark comedy called Finding Amanda in which she plays a prostitute/stripper; and in Tony Kaye's (director of American History X) newest film Black Water Transit. Plus, in order to pay the bills, she's starring in the PG-13 horror film Prom Night out next April.

Shawn Pyfrom

Where You've Seen Him Before: He plays Marcia Cross's gay son Andrew on Desperate Housewives.

Who He Might Remind You of: A less skanky Shia LaBeouf (he's an okay actor, but ugh) or a non-singing and dancing Zac Efron.

Why You Should Give a Shit: Because, for awhile, him and his constant battles with conservative mother Bree were the absolute highlight of the show---and we all know how hard that is with all of those housewives begging for attention. He was angry, bitter and manipulative and, yet, we still cared about him (or at least I did). Andrew only did the things he did because his mother didn't accept his sexuality and believed he was going to hell. Well, that's kind of a lie (he was a vindictive little bastard) but he was still a ton of fun...a far cry from your average gay teen on TV. Who else but Andrew would have had sex with his mother's sex addict boyfriend just to piss her off? So, it was a shame when last year, after returning home from a few months in the street, Andrew turned good again and hasn't gotten a single storyline since. He has the talent (he's proven it before) now give him something interesting to do.

What He's in Next: No upcoming films or anything. If he gets a juicy storyline on Desperate Housewives this season, however, that won't even matter.

Happy Birthday Dame Julie Andrews!

Today Dame Julie Andrews turns 72. I can't say I'm a fan of her enormous hit films (Mary Poppins and The Sound of Music), but I did think she gave great performances in them despite the subject matter and I loved her in Victor/Victoria. My hope is that one day Dame Julie makes a late career resurgence like fellow Dames Judi and Helen with a great, stereotype-shattering role in a non-family film. She has the talent to play something other than "nice" and "regal" so I don't know why no one taps into that. My dream role for her: a mean and controlling grandmother who nags her daughter and runs her granddaughter's life...all while battling breast cancer. Okay, so that's kind of based on my friend Ashley's crazy-ass, but hilarious, family and we are currently working on a story, but wouldn't you love to hear Dame Julie Andrews say shit like:

"You don't have to run out of here like it's Auschwitz!"

"You better look happy or I'll make you look happy!"

"Give me that baby!"

"Stop that annoying coughing!"

"I was talking!"

That would be absolutely brilliant. But, if that never happens, I hope Dame Julie finds a suitable role that will bring her in favor with the critics and public all over again.