2010 VMA Predictions

Trying to predict the VMA results is often fruitless because there is often no rhyme or reason why any particular video wins over another. Yet, here I am, valiantly going forward with this exercise. Oh well, at least we can all laugh at these tomorrow.

Video of the Year
Will Win: Lady GaGa & Beyoncé 'Telephone'
Should Win: Lady GaGa 'Bad Romance'

I mentioned this when I did my write-up of this year's nominees, but it bares repeating. Lady GaGa is going to win; there's very little doubt about that. She's as much of a lock as 'Single Ladies' was last year. While 'Bad Romance' is technically the better of her two nominated videos, I don't think voters will be able to resist the massive pull of the 'Telephone' video. GaGa + B + Tarantino-inspired dialogue + high concept + massive runtime + massive hype = a video which can't be ignored.

Male Video of the Year
Will Win: Usher featuring will.i.am 'OMG'
Should Win: Drake 'Find Your Love'

Trying to find a decent video amid this lackluster bunch is quite difficult. If Eminem wins here, he'll win Video of the Year since history has shown that his wins are correlated as such. I don't think Em will win the top award, so I'm down to B.o.B. and Usher. Both songs were massive hits, but this category has been considerably kinder to non-Video of the Year nominees, so I think Usher will pull ahead with the win. Drake not only has the best song of the bunch (slightly bested by 'In My Head') but his video is the only one that stirs me in any way besides revulsion.

Female Video of the Year
Will Win: Katy Perry featuring Snoop Dogg 'California Gurls'
Should Win: Lady GaGa 'Bad Romance'

I think this is down to Taylor Swift (in an attempt to make up for Kanyegate last year) and Katy Perry, who has somehow snagged herself three noms in a row in this category. She's already tied for 5th with a host of other legends (including Annie Lennox!) for the most noms in this category ever. 'California Gurls' was a massive hit, Katy Perry has never been hotter and she's technically "due." Bold choice, perhaps, but I think she'll nab it from Taylor.

Best New Artist
Will Win: Justin Bieber featuring Ludacris 'Baby'
Should Win: Nicki Minaj featuring Sean Garrett 'Massive Attack'

The Beebs has this one wrapped up, especially given the fact that people at home are the ones voting for the winners. And, you know what, I think he honestly deserves it. Who knows if he'll stick around in the future, but he's made a hell of an impression this past year and he's legitimately talented. If he wins, I won't be upset. However, I think the best in this category is Nicki Minaj, whose video manages to represent her as the out-of-this-world creature that she is.

Best Pop Video
Will Win: Ke$ha 'TiK ToK'
Should Win: Lady GaGa 'Bad Romance'

GaGa could surprise here, but I think Ke$ha and her ode to getting fucked up will take the prize.

Best Rock Video
Will Win: Paramore 'Ignorance'
Should Win: ?

Haven't had a chance to look through all the videos yet as I'm very weak when it comes to this genre. I think Paramore is still popular with the kids so I'm gonna go with them. No fucking clue though.

Best Hip-Hop Video
Will Win: Eminem 'Not Afraid'
Should Win: ?

Also pretty weak with this category so I'll update later. Eminem usually wins one just for appearing at this damn awards show so I expect him to pick this award up easily.

Best Dance Video
Will Win: Enrique Iglesias featuring Pitbull 'I Like It'
Should Win: Lady GaGa 'Bad Romance'

This comes down to a process of elimination. Cascada and David Guetta aren't too unfamiliar to win. GaGa might win, but I don't know if she's "dance" enough. Usher has a chance but I think Enrique, especially with the help of the Jersey Shore kids, will take this in the end.

Best Collaboration
Will Win: B.o.B. featuring Hayley Williams 'Airplanes'
Should Win: Beyoncé and Lady GaGa 'Video Phone (Extended Version)'

B.o.B. has to win somewhere, right? It pains me to type that but it's true. My pick is between Jay-Z & Alicia, who have the better song, and B & GaGa, who have the...I won't say better, but more interesting, videos. I went with 'Video Phone' because that video is nuts and I can still recall it vividly months after last watching it.

Zac's Beard

Every time I see a new headline about Zac's beard, I get confused. WHICH ONE ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT?

(By the way, am I the only one kinda digging his facial hair? I think it works even better with those sunglasses. Mmmmm, sexy scruff.)

The Father of My Children, Sandy Bullock Style

Last night, I caught the French film import du jour, Mia Hansen-Love's The Father of My Children, and I was far from impressed. The film is one of those movies where if it was made in English, no one would give a shit about it, but since it's spoken in a foreign tongue everyone immediately respects it. The story concerns a film producer whose production company is in massive debt with no way out. He tries to hide his concerns from his wife and three daughters, but, eventually, he can't anymore and spills everything to his wife. She tries to comfort him to no avail. The next morning, in an act of madness, he shoots himself in the head. The last hour of the film chronicles the rest of the family's attempts to overcome this tragedy. Tears are shed, shouting matches are had and dark family secrets are uncovered. If all of this sounds familiar, it all is and that's precisely where the problem lies. Everything about The Father of My Children is nicely done but there is a complete lack of ambition to push outside the boundaries of what you would expect from a film of this nature. The family is all lovey-dovey in the way families only in the movies are. And, even when their world is crumbling, there is no backlash, no sense that even for a second this might cripple them even for a brief period of time. You know the family is going to recover and that's that. Critics, like the one who wrote the blurb featured at the top of this poster on the left, praised The Father of My Children for its lack of sentimentality, as if being sentimental is the death knell for the movies. Sure, the film didn't need to be as sentimental as something like The Blind Side (few movies do), but a tad more dramatic tension, which could manifest itself as "sentimental," between the characters and their situation would have made for a better film. Instead, especially during that last hour, The Father of My Children flits around between various plot points, including the daughter finding out about her father's love child from before he married his mother, without ever coming to any sort of catharsis or reason of interest. When the daughter eventually meets the mother of her father's son and they talk for a bit where the mother reveals that her son and his father never really got along. As soon as that tidbit is thrown out there, this subplot is thrown out as quickly as it was brought up. Wouldn't the daughter be curious why the son doesn't get along with the father she loved so well? Is she at all curious about seeing another side to him? Apparently not, even though I assumed that was the whole point of bringing this whole illegitimate child up in the first place. I guess Hansen-Love wasn't interested in exploring that and that's her prerogative; what she was going for, however, totally escapes me. C+

All throughout the movie, I kept thinking about what a Hollywood remake of this film would look like. Sure, I mentioned that The Father of My Children is, essentially, a Hollywood film already, but there are moments that are far too subtle and un-histrionic for a major Hollywood tearjerker that would need to be amplified so us dumb Americans would get it. Actually, with just a couple of changes, I could see this as an Oscar contender for one of Hollywood's A-list actresses. Sure, the original French film is more about the father, but men aren't allowed to be emotional in Hollywood films so the actress will have to do all the heavy lifting. I ran through a score of capable actresses for my imaginary remake, but the one who made the most sense was good ole Sandy Bullock. With this film we'd get a Best of Both Worlds from her. In the first half we would get the fun, lovable, eternally charming Sandy that makes her so appealing in her romantic comedies. Then, in the second half, after her husband dies, Sandy the Strong Mama will come out and blow us all away. When she's upset, she's really going to be upset. When she has to put on a brave face for her girls, she make it the best damn brave face you've ever seen. When she faces the prospect of losing her husband's company, she's going to save that company even if it takes every last bit of her already waning strength left. When her daughter finds out about her husband's son, Sandy is going to bring everyone together and convince her daughter (and, therefore, the son, too) what a great man her dad was and the scene will end with a big emotional group hug that will bond them permanently. Okay, so maybe I'm being a little glib here, but the point still remains: if Sandy Bullock wants Oscar #2, she needs to get on an English-language remake of this movie and change a couple of minor details to suit both her persona and Oscar's taste. I think it can happen so let's make it work, people!

RIP Rich Cronin

Horrible news, late 90's boy band fans. Rich Cronin, member of LFO, has passed away at 35 after a battle with leukemia. LFO isn't quite as well remembered today as some of its counterparts from the time period, but they hold a special place in my heart from their brief tenure at the top. Back in the distant, distant past, before I knew I was gay, I had this magazine with a picture of LFO that provided more than its fair share of fantasies pour moi. Rich and the other hottie of the group, Devin, were quite fit back in the day. I know that's probably not exactly how he would want to be remembered, but being pre-teen masturbatory fodder is quite a huge compliment (especially since I wasn't as big of a whore as I am today). But not only was he a good looker, the group's 'Summer Girls' was quite literally my jam of the summer of '99. The video was one of the staples on TRL at that period of time, and I loved it to pieces back in the day. True, the lyrics are kinda painful to listen to today, but it captured a brief period of time perfectly when white boy wannabe hip-hoppers got lumped in with the Boy Band Craze dominating the world at that time. Besides, what 20-something doesn't automatically think of 'Summer Girls' when someone talks about Abercrombie & Fitch? Hell, one of my blog's labels comes from that song. So, yes, not exactly great, but the song's power is everlasting.

The real tragedy of Cronin's death goes even deeper than his literal death. Cronin is one of the first of my pre-teen idols to pass away. I may not have thought about him in ages, but his death is a reminder that we are all growing older and the people my generation worshiped back in junior high is also getting older. I'm saddened by Cronin's passing, and he was only a minor influence. I can't imagine what will happen when a major player, like a BSB member or Jessica Simpson, eventually passes. Everyone from that time period is irreplaceable and it saddens me to think that they won't all be around at some point. RIP Rich, you made my transition from elementary school to junior high, from my old house to my new one a teensy bit easier with your music. You will be missed.

Britney’s Videography: ‘Don’t Let Me Be the Last to Know’

Britney Spears 'Don't Let Me Be the Last to Know'
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Britney continued to grow up right before our very eyes with this video for 'Don't Let Me Be the Last to Know,' the fourth and final single from her Oops!...I Did It Again album. The video, a chronicle of two young lovers shacked up in a tiny hut adjacent to a gorgeous tropical beach, sounds like the perfect opportunity to exploit the barely legal Brit and her bangin' bikini body. But, rather surprisingly, the director went in a different direction, offering a genuinely beautiful look at young love. Brit and her beau spend the entirety of the video clad in next to no clothing—Brit in a bikini top and cutoffs, the dude in the lowest riding bathing suit I've ever seen—and helplessly intertwined in various romantic poses, but 'Don't Let Me Be the Last to Know' never once feels exploitative. Instead, the video is sweet, tender and sensual—many things Brit, at this point, hadn't tried to be yet. So, the best way to look at 'Don't Let Me Be the Last to Know' is from the perspective of Britney, once again, subtly, pushing the boundaries of her persona into unchartered territory. Late 90's pop music's very own Lolita trying her hand at softness and sensuality? This sounds like something to scoff at, but Brit pulls it off surprisingly well. The only major downside of 'Don't Let Me Be the Last to Know' is the fact that since the video is so sensual, Brit is required to act sensual. She gets the body language down but her facial expressions, for the most part, are lacking a bit. She's not an actress, so you can hardly blame her, but her face looks completely vacant rather than like the emotionless mask I'm sure the director asked of her. But that's a minor quibble in the grand scheme of things with Britney trying something new on the way to her third album.

Previous installments: ...Baby One More Time | Sometimes | (You Drive Me) Crazy (The Stop Remix!) | From the Bottom of My Broken Heart | Born To Make You Happy | Oops!...I Did It Again | Lucky | Stronger

The Greatest Wrestling Match I've Ever Seen

In the same way that many kids of my generation watched The Little Mermaid or Beauty and the Beast or whatever their Disney film of choice was, over and over on VHS, I watched Wrestlemania VII. In case you're unfamiliar, like I imagine many of my readers are, Wrestlemania was, and continues to be, the WWF/E's most important pay-per-view event. At the time, the WWF only had four main pay-per-view events a year, so Wrestlemania was the main event of them all. But even now, when they have one every month, Wrestlemania is still seen as the most prestigious since it's the event with all the history. When I was a wee lad of about five or six, wrestling was my favorite thing on the planet. My brother and I ate, slept and breathed that shit. We had a whole assortment of PPV events on VHS courtesy of my mother's boss who would tape them for us (my parents were too po' to afford it themselves), but the one I kept coming back to was 1991's Wrestlemania VII. To this day, I'm not exactly sure why I love it so much, but I do have my theories. For me, Wrestlemania VII represents one of the last times professional wrestling was completely innocent. By the time I started watching the WWF, they were starting to transition from the glory days of Hulk Hogan and "wholesomeness" where wrestlers were either the good guy or the bad guy and everything was black and white. There wasn't the constant need to butch up the already homoerotic sport; men could wear sparkly robes and wear tight spandex trunks and still kick major ass in the ring. It was inevitable that the WWF had to move forward and change with the times, but I missed those old days, even if the old days hadn't exactly gone away yet.

There are many fine matches on the Wrestlemania VII card, but the one I'm discussing today is this epic confrontation:


Yes, my friends, now this is what wrestling is all about. This match isn't my favorite so much for the technical aspect--if you're looking for the best in that respect, why not try another Macho Man Randy Savage match with Ricky Steamboat at Wrestlemania III--as the incredible amounts of dramatic tension that is built into the match's backstory and everything that goes on in the ring. The creative team behind this match deserve medals for their work here; the fact that they managed to work so many different emotional angles--from revenge to reunited lovers--is a modern day miracle.

To start off with, the match is Career Ending Match, the first of its kind, according to our night's commentators Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan. What this means is that whoever loses the match will never wrestle again. Whoa, now that's what I call having a dark cloud looming over you. One mistake and you're history. But, as if that isn't enough to build the emotional tension, we have to go into the backstory. After the Ultimate Warrior won the WWF Championship at Wrestlemania VI, Savage had been pestering him for a chance at winning the belt. Finally, after Savage's manager Sensational Queen Sherri confronted him at the Royal Rumble in January, he gave her his final answer:

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

[Side note: When I was a kid, there were two people who absolutely scared the shit out of me. The Ultimate Warrior was one of them (the other was Charlie Chaplin, oddly enough, but that had more to do with this really strange nightmare about him I had as a child that completely freaked me out rather than him being "scary"). There was something about the combination of his blazing intensity and his crazy face makeup that always gave me the heebie jeebies. This moment above certainly didn't help in this regard.]

Macho Man is obviously pissed (wouldn't you be?) and decides to act out on his aggression. During the Warrior's championship match, Sherri runs down to the ring and distracts him. He gets annoyed and chases her outside the ring and down the walkway to the dressing room. The Warrior gets down quite a way when...


BOOM. Out comes Macho Man with a clothesline out of nowhere. Betcha didn't see that one coming, did ya, Warrior? Now that he has taken the beast down, Savage decides to acquaint a nearby spotlight with Warrior's face.


Savage runs off and we then cut to the end of the match. The Warrior's real opponent, Sgt. Slaughter, has pushed him into the ropes. Savage has somehow ended up on the floor of the ring (I'm not sure how. All I know about the match is what is in this 30 second clip package) so he takes his sceptor and pummels Warrior in the head with it.


OH SNAP. The Warrior ends up losing the match and the title, so the reasons for revenge in this feud are even higher coming into this match.

Andy Garfield is a Potential Oscar Nominee...I Think

There are some new pictures from the upcoming film The Social Network, undoubtedly my most anticipated film for the rest of the year, over at /Film. Star Jesse Eisenberg and Disney starlet Brenda Song (who plays Andy's girlfriend, the lucky bitch) appear in a few of them, but I have to share the shots of my boo Andy Garfield, looking good as always. Between this film and Never Let Me Go, these next couple of months are shaping up to be the Autumn of Andy. And because these films are looking like major hits, whether with critics, audiences or both, I'm going out on a limb and making a bold prediction:

Andrew Garfield will be an Oscar nominee come next January.

Why, you ask? I have no real evidence to support this hypothesis; it's just a complete and utter hunch on my part. Here is my reasoning. First of all, he has major roles in both Never Let Me Go and The Social Network. The success of both of these films will hinge, in part, on Andy's performance in each of them. If he's good, he'll definitely be remembered. Oscar definitely responds to actors who have multiple acclaimed performances in the same year (just as long as there isn't category confusion or general confusion as to which performance to back). Secondly, the news that Andy has been cast as the new Spider Man in Marc Webb's upcoming series reboot proves that he's poised to be the Next Big Thing. Don't you think Oscar would want to cash in on that so they can say, "Na na na na boo boo! We discovered him before you!"? Sure, the fact that Andy is a young, attractive male will be a negative in his favor as the conservative group likes their actresses young and perky and their men past middle age and rapidly approaching death. This is why actors like Ben Foster, Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Gael Garcia Bernal are nomination-less while Morgan Freeman, Jack Nicholson and Philip Seymour Hoffman have nominations up the wazoo. But, as films like Brokeback Mountain and Half Nelson proved, when a film hits Oscar's sweet spot, they have been known to loosen their "No Hotties Under 30" rule.

I think Andy will have a better chance in the Best Supporting Actor category, as it seems more open to new blood than the Lead category. The question is now which film will get him there? Both roles are borderline lead roles and, depending on the adaptation, a case could be made for either category placement. In Never Let Me Go, he's the male romantic lead, but there's an argument to be made that the story belongs solely to the character Carey Mulligan plays in the film. I just started the book The Social Network is based on (I'm literally 19 pages in) and the story is told through Garfield's character's viewpoint. But, based on what we've heard about Mark Zuckerberg and the film's trailer, it looks like Jesse Eisenberg is the star of the film. My guess is that they'll campaign Andy in both categories, but which film will go where? Never Let Me Go appears to have the best shot at a nomination (based on renowned book, world famous author, "prestige" factor, shot in trailer of Andy screaming his lungs out in anger) but it's also the film that is the hardest to make a case for to downgrade him to supporting. And who knows if director Mark Romanek will be Oscar's cup of tea? David Fincher has already proven capable of rubbing Oscar the right way, but will The Social Network be another Benjamin Button-esque attempt at prestige filmmaking? Lord I hope not, but, if it isn't, Oscar may not bite either. Geez, this is fucking complicated! You can easily talk yourself into thinking one way and then just as easily come up with examples that disprove your theory. That's what you get when you try to figure out Oscar: a headache. But, no matter how convoluted it sounds, I still stand by my hunch that Andy Garfield will get his first Oscar nomination this year.

My Wedding Song?

According to a very elaborate dream I had last night, this is the song I chose as my wedding song. And my mother was not exactly pleased with my choice. In the dream, she couldn't convince me to change my mind, so she tried to get my dad involved and tell me what a dumb idea it was. Lord knows I love the song, but I have to agree with my mother on this one (and you don't know how much that hurts); 'Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)' is not exactly an appropriate wedding song. Besides, I've had mine picked out since high school: 'Stickwitu' by The Pussycat Dolls. Now that's an appropriate wedding song.

My Thoughts on This Year's Emmy Winners

Best Drama: Mad Men

I gave up on this show last season.

Best Comedy: Modern Family

I don't watch this show.

Best Actor (Drama): Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad

I don't watch this show.

Best Actress (Drama): Kyra Sedgwick, The Closer

I don't watch this show. My mother does, though, and really likes Sedgwick's character. "She's so realistic, James. She's going through menopause like I am!"

Best Actor (Comedy): Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory

I don't watch this show.

Best Actress (Comedy): Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie

I watched the first four episodes. Wasn't terribly impressed or in a rush to watch other episodes.

Best Supporting Actor (Drama): Aaron Paul, Breaking Bad

I don't watch this show.

Best Supporting Actress (Drama): Archie Panjabi, The Good Wife

I don't watch this show.

Best Supporting Actor (Comedy): Eric Stonestreet, Modern Family

I don't watch this show.

Best Supporting Actress (Comedy): Jane Lynch, Glee

Watched the first season. Thought Lynch thoroughly deserved the award. Will never watch another episode.

Well, that was...fascinatingly in-depth? I guess we can safely assume that the Emmys and I have vastly different tastes when it comes to television. Especially when you consider that if I ran things, Sterling Knight would have two Emmys by now and Snooki would be nominated next to Tina Fey in the Comedy category.

15 Albums

Over on my Facebook page, I was tagged in a new meme asking for "fifteen albums you've heard that will always stick with you." I completed the challenge on Facebook, but I thought I should take some time and explain my reasoning behind my choices. These are not necessarily what I believe to be the "best" albums of all time; rather, each of them has some sort of personal significance in my life, whether they remind me of someone or a particular moment in my life or simply have come to define me as a person.

Paula Abdul Forever Your Girl

As I've stated multiple times before, Paula Abdul was the first music artist I ever loved. I remember being in kindergarten, on the way to school and getting excited whenever 'Straight Up' came on the radio. My first exposure to the entire album came from perhaps the strangest of circumstances: my mother's co-worker's daughter had the album on cassette and let us borrow the now five-year-old album so we could copy it onto our own blank cassette. Yes, I was illegally downloading music before illegally downloading music was cool. Since it was the only album I owned for quite a few years, I played the shit out of it whenever I could. To this day, I still get a rush of nostalgia whenever I hear 'Cold Hearted' or 'The Way That You Love Me' on my iTunes. Because of this album, Paula is forever my girl.

Spice Girls Spice

To be honest, I can't exactly remember where or how I first heard about the Spice Girls. At the time, my favorite radio station was my mother's 70's/80's/90's station that wasn't exactly hip when it came to new music. All I know is that when I fell for Emma, Victoria, Geri and the Mels, I fell for them HARD and there was no turning back. Spice was my go-to album for a long, long time and I still stand by it as a legitimate pop classic and not the teeny bopper shit many accuse it of being.

Spice Girls Spice World

Almost as soon as I was addicted to Spice, the Girls' follow up album was released in America. I believe I got it for my birthday a few months after, but I loved it as much, if not more, than Spice. I listened to that album so damn much, particularly 'Stop,' my favorite song they've ever done, it has the distinction of being the first cassette I broke. One day, the tape inside the cassette just went haywire and spooled out. It was a sad day for me (probably not my parents who I'm sure were sick of the damn thing) but at least I had my memories with the album.

Mariah, Gloria, Shania, Aretha & Celine Divas Live '98

Along with NSYNC's debut album, this was the first album I ever got on CD. I can't remember if I watched the live special when it aired, but I'm guessing my parents bought it for me because I was fucking obsessed with Mariah and both Celine and Gloria were two of my favorite singers at the time. Good instincts on their part as I simply couldn't get enough of this album. Not only was it packed full of amazing divas, foreshadowing both my homosexuality and my immense love of over-the-top personalities, but I also loved the banter and spoken intros between each of the songs. I'm sure if I listened to the album right now I could mime accurately to about 80% of it.

Britney Spears ...Baby One More Time

Back when Brit actually attempted to sing, I thought she had one of the best voices I had ever heard. I had a lot to learn about music, apparently, but it's easy to see why this woman and this album meant so much to me during a time when my one true love, the Spice Girls, were splitting up. Her carefree dance-pop was just what this 11 year-old needed to get pumped for another grueling day of elementary school. Trust me, I have a handful of dance routines I choreographed in my free time before I had to catch the bus. My father must be proud.

Madonna The Immaculate Collection

I knew and liked Madonna through songs like 'Holiday' and 'Into the Groove,' but it wasn't until I checked out this album from my library that I became a superfan. This album has become so ingrained in me, I find it hard to dig into the rest of her discography; everytime I try one of her old albums, I instantly grow restless and want to listen to these wonderful singles all over again.

Janet Jackson Control

I think Janet Jackson obsession started with Design of a Decade, but Control will always be the album I'll think of when I think of her.

Various Artists Music from the Motion Picture "Chicago"

When I saw Chicago on DVD, I liked the movie but I wasn't as crazy about it as I am. It wasn't until the school play my sophomore year of high school when my castmates would sing the songs from this soundtrack over and over again when I became obsessed with it. I actually owned the soundtrack before I ever bought the film, so by the time I saw the movie again, I knew every damn word of the soundtrack.

Kelly Clarkson Breakaway

My God, I don't know if kids these days understand just how huge this album was back in the day. You couldn't spend an hour listening to the radio without either 'Since U Been Gone,' 'Behind These Hazel Eyes' or 'Because of You' coming on. People I knew who weren't fans of pop music were obsessed with Kelly and this album. And, most of all, I just love Kelly. She's the reason my obsession with American Idol lasted for as long as it did.

Sex Pistols Never Mind the Bollocks Here's the Sex Pistols

I'm not exactly sure what exactly I watched or read that convinced me that I needed to give Never Mind the Bollocks Here's the Sex Pistols a listen, but I'm eternally grateful for inspiring something in me to take a chance on something way out of my music comfort zone. The first few times I listened to the album, I was unimpressed and quietly ignored it for awhile. Then, something happened and I decided to give it another listen. It was like I was listening to a brand new album. The Sex Pistols are one of the few punk bands I've encountered (in my very, very limited experience) who didn't sacrifice melody for hardness, vocal quality for loudness. This is quite literally the one anomaly in my iTunes, as evidenced by the fact that they are wedged between Selena Gomez & the Scene and Shakira.

Various Artists Music from the Motion Picture "South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut"

I was a late bloomer to discovering the genius of South Park. Up until my junior year of high school, I thought it was nothing but television made for immature people who loved endless fart and shit jokes. But then my friend lent me South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut and I immediately changed my tune. This was some smart shit made by people who knew what the fuck they were talking about. And the smartest thing about the movie has to be the soundtrack, which manages to be both a parody of the typical movie musical and insightful social commentary. Plus, any soundtrack that has a song with a lyric that goes, "Shut your fucking face, Uncle Fucka!" can't be all bad, can it?

ABBA Gold

I have always known about ABBA and even knew a handful of their songs courtesy of The A*Teens, but it wasn't until my last couple years of high school when I actually realized just how kickass they were. It all started with an innocent car trip with my friend and her grandparents. Her grandmother is a huge ABBA fan and had Gold playing the CD player. My friend and I were bored so we started making dumb choreography to the songs. This continued through many songs until her grandmother, never one to not let her annoyance and opinion be heard, yelled at us, "Shut. Up. Back. There." I had so much jammin' to the songs that I asked my friend to burn me a copy and the rest, as they say, is history.

Justin Timberlake FutureSex/LoveSounds

JT's FutureSex/LoveSounds had the fortunate distinction of coming out right as I was settling into my freshman year of college. The album really has nothing to do with all the changes I was going through at the time, but it's the one that's most deeply associated with that period of my life.

Britney Spears Blackout

I was pumped for the Britney comeback ever since she divorced Kevin Federline in 2006. When the album finally came around in late 2007, I was ridiculously excited for what was being called Britney's best album yet. On the day of its release, I was like a meth addict waiting impatiently for my next hit. I didn't have a car at that point so I asked my friend who lived down the hall if she would take me to buy it. She agreed and by the time we left, another younger girl I only slightly knew had joined us. We went to the first store and I ran like a madman to the music section only to discover that it was sold out. I was upset, but my friend who drove started yelling at the guy working in the electronics department like it was his fault. We ended up going to two more stores, coming out both times empty-handed, and I was more crazed with each rejection. I looked like a madman in front of the new girl, but I didn't care; I wanted Britney, damnit (in case you're wondering, the girl who accompanied us became a very good friend whom I lived with until a couple weeks ago).

Girls Aloud Out of Control

By the time the release date for Girls Aloud's Out of Control rolled by, I was already a devotee of the Way of the Aloud. I started after the release of Tangled Up and it quickly grew over the following months. Out of Control was the first Girls Aloud album where I could join in on the pre-release ritual for any of my favorite acts. When 'The Promise' came out, I listened to that song at least 30 times the day I first got it. There was no turning back after that. I should also let the record show that Out of Control is still my favorite Girls Aloud album ever.

Academy Award-Winner Jean-Luc Godard

Up until a couple of days ago, I never thought I'd see the day when that phrase which litters so many prestige movies' trailers would be attached to notorious French director Jean-Luc Godard. Someone actually asked me if I ever thought he would get an honorary Oscar on my Formspring some months ago and I responded that there was no fucking way the same group who gave Slumdog Millionaire and Titanic their Best Picture award was going to honor the director whose idea of a "mainstream" film is Contempt and Detective. Not only is Godard not mainstream, he doesn't give a shit what the establishment thinks of him. Sounds like the perfect combination to never come within an inch of one. Granted, my guess for this honor is that it has something to do with his Breathless, quite possibly the most important film ever made after Citizen Kane, turning 50 this year (and you know they're cursing themselves that Truffaut isn't still alive because if they were going to honor the anniversary of the French New Wave, he'd be the safer director to go for). Either way, you have to hand it to the Academy for this bold, uncharacteristic move.

Now that The Master has been given this honor, a bigger question remains: will he even bother to show up and accept the award? Given the fact they can't even find the sneaky bastard to tell him the good news, my initial reaction is a big ole Whitney "Hell to the no!" But, then again, you never know. He could make an appearance just to say, "Fuck you" to all the Hollywood bigwigs in attendance. Who knows? If the people who ran this special ceremony where the honorary winners are honored were smart, they'd turn the whole thing into a "Will He or Won't He Show Up?" sort of affair. People can go around collecting bets and they'll be cameras around the building on constant "Godard Watch," hoping to catch a glimpse of him. And when whoever they get to present the award to him (my guess is someone like Martin Scorsese, but I LOVE my friend Joel's suggestion that Reese Witherspoon should present and give a speech about how Tout Va Bien changed her life), they should kill the lights for a minute to heighten the drama. When they come back on, either the stage will be empty or Jean-Luc will be standing there giving the finger to Clint Eastwood and whatever other Hollywood people are there. Sigh. Just when the regular Oscar telecast could have made something fun and fresh with the honorary Oscar, they had to go and make it its own non-televised ceremony.

All kidding aside, I'm fucking stoked that the greatest living director* is finally getting his due, even if its from a conservative, pedestrian awards group. From Nana's dance in Vivre sa vie to the agonizing traffic jam scene in Week End to Michel and Patricia spending an afternoon together in bed in Breathless, Godard has provided some of the most iconic moments of young moviewatching life. Thank you, Academy, whatever your reasons, for rewarding this true iconoclast.

*Not based on his current output, of which I've only seen Notre Musique and didn't understand a minute of it, but because of his pre-Tout Va Bien work.

Britney's Videography: 'Stronger'

Britney Spears 'Stronger' # # # # #
Before "It's Britney, bitch" became her most famous song opener, the opening lyric to 'Stronger,' "HUSH, JUST STOP," was perhaps Brit's biggest and baddest battle cry yet. In fact, as this recent picture proves, 'Stronger' is, in a way, a response to her debut single. In the two years since '...Baby One More Time' was released she had become an independent woman who didn't need a man to be happy. 'Stronger' is Britney's one true Girl Power anthem, a reminder to her fans that no matter what life throws their way, whether it is family drama, relationship issues or monetary problems, you can always count on yourself to persevere and triumph over and adversities. The fact that Britney stays true to herself by making this potentially banal ballad a non-stop club banger is perhaps one of the smartest moves of her career. Another smart move is the video for 'Stronger,' which has gone from respected to fan favorite in the years since its original release. The video's premise--jilted lover Britney gets revenge on the guy (and his new skank girlfriend) who did her wrong--is fine, if nothing extraordinary. What makes 'Stronger' so memorable, however, is the video's centerpiece, an epic dance involving only Britney and a chair. In much the same manner Fred Astaire was able to accomplish with a hat rack in Royal Wedding, Britney works so well with the inanimate object it almost becomes a legitimate dancing partner. The rest of the video hardly matters with this astounding dance; in fact, the chair dance overshadows everything else so much I wish someone had taken a chance and revolved the whole video around it instead of adding the unnecessary "plot" scenes. Can you imagine how amazing a full three minutes of the chair dance with the final moments of Britney strutting down the bridge in the rain would have been? Unlike the Red Leather Jumpsuit in 'Oops!,' the makers of the 'Stronger' video didn't necessarily realize what a moment they had with the chair dance. If they had, I would feel more comfortable giving 'Stronger' the full five stars.



Previous installments: ...Baby One More Time | Sometimes | (You Drive Me) Crazy (The Stop Remix!) | From the Bottom of My Broken Heart | Born To Make You Happy | Oops!...I Did It Again | Lucky

Rants on Twist and Shout

Netflix is great at a lot of things--providing multitudes of little-seen films I would never have access to in Michigan, for one--but something they could vastly improve on is their synopsis writing. Sometimes the summary is so off from the actual film it makes you wonder if whoever wrote it had actually seen the film before writing on it. There are numerous examples of this but the most obvious misrepresentation I've run across is Twist and Shout, a 1984 film from famed director (and two-time Palme d'Or winner) Bille August. Netflix actually recommended the film to me, most likely since I've been overdosing on 1960's and 1960s-set cinema since I started Netflix. As it was a "sexy coming-of-age story" with teenagers whose "libidious passions explode," I simply knew I had to add it to my queue for future watching. I mean, the description made it sound like Skins crossed with The Dreamers, so you can hardly blame me. But when I started watching the film, I was shocked to discover that what sounded like a Scandinavian soft-core porn was actually an arresting, heartbreaking, emotionally complicated look at teenage relationships, both romantic and platonic. The relationships in question, the friendship between Bjorn (Adam Tonsberg) and Erik (Lars Simonsen), Bjorn's romantic escapades with Anna (Camilla Soeberg) and Kirsten (Ulrikke Bondo) and Erik's infatuation with Kirsten, sound like the typical set-up for your average episode of Gossip Girl (minus Blair Waldorf's constant scheming, natch), but August and Twist and Shout are more interested in exploring character and mining emotional depth from well-worn plots rather than trying to shake things up through big dramatic twists.


One of the very first images we see of Bjorn and Erik is this still above. The two are in the back of a truck, obviously running away from something. This opening moment raises a lot of questions: But what are the running from? And what exactly is their relationship with each other? Based on my experience with numerous films that feature a scene like this, I got it into my head that this was going to be a film about young gay lovers who were unaccepted by their families and society and, pushed to the breaking point, decide to flee society with only the clothes on their back and each other. Clearly, there's a whole backstory attached to this pose courtesy of other films and I spent the first ten minutes of the film reading into every look given by each boy to support this hypothesis. The whole gay lovers angle is revealed to be nothing more than a load of bollocks, for Twist and Shout wants to discuss something even rarer: the emotional bond between two platonic male friends. There are plenty of films about male/male friendships but they often stop short at exploring the emotional side of the relationship. Twist and Shout, without a second thought, enters the rarely chartered territory of how much of themselves men are allowed to expose to other men. But the relationship between Bjorn and Erik doesn't descend into sappy, "chick flick" clichés about bonding and true friendships. Their connection is often felt in moments where they simply react to each other and their shared surroundings. Erik's mother is mentally ill so, as a way of dealing with it, his father locks her up in the house and treats her as if she's an embarrassing family secret. Bjorn is privileged to know the truth about her and treats the information as delicately as Erik does, even if Bjorn realizes that there is something wrong with the situation in Erik's home. For example, Erik and Kirsten walk home together and she becomes insistent on entering his house. She knows about his sick mother from Bjorn and when he asks her how much she knows, she admits that all he told her was that she spends most of her time in bed. For a second, Erik is relieved that she (1) doesn't really know anything and (2) Bjorn hasn't betrayed him. Instead of ignoring the problem, or acting uncomfortable when the situation comes up, Bjorn is almost delighted that Erik trusts him enough to come in and have a cup of tea with his mother.

Bjorn and Erik, despite--or maybe because of--their close friendship, truly are complete opposites and the film shows them as such. Their first real scene together is at some concert where a local band is playing a cover of The Beatles' "Twist and Shout." Bjorn is front and center, rocking out and enjoying himself dancing. Erik, on the other hand, is pacing back and forth in front of the door, covering his ears, clearly waiting for the first available moment to get the hell out of there. The blocking and costuming certainly help in figuring out these characters as well: Bjorn is in a medium shot wearing a bright red coat while Erik is dressed in tan, fading into the background in a long shot.


The fact that Erik has a hard time standing out is repeated visually throughout the film. When Kirsten has a party at her house with all of her classmates, Erik tries to get a good look at her but his face is lost in a sea of people. Even when August gives him a close up, he has to fight other people in the frame to be noticed. Erik's desire to be noticed, especially by Kirsten, forces him to resort to what many people, including Bjorn, consider public humiliation. At this party, Bjorn has brought his new girlfriend, Anna, much to the dismay of Kirsten who is madly in love with Bjorn. When she confronts him about it, after everyone agreed that this was "classmates only" party, Bjorn suggests she go with Erik. She scoffs at this suggestion, openly insulting him and his screwy family just as he enters the room. As Bjorn storms off in a huff, he insists that Erik comes with him and Anna as he's been humiliated in front of everyone. Erik, rather, wants to go back into the party, clearly ignoring the fact that Kirsten doesn't want anything to do with him and insisting that it was Bjorn who was clearly at fault. Bjorn doesn't understand Erik's viewpoint, but the great thing about their relationship is that this is not a dealbreaker for either of them. They can love and cherish each other without understanding each other's logic at certain times.

One of the things Twist and Shout absolutely nails is its depiction of teenage romances and sexuality. Instead of presenting unrealistic, Gossip Girl-esque, "we're-18-and-having-hot-and-steamy-sex-to-make-up-for-our-relationship-getting-stale-three-weeks-in" viewpoint, Twist and Shout shows the red-blooded immediacy of young relationships without concentrating on what goes on in the bedroom. Bjorn and Anna fall head over heels for each other in the matter of a single date, to the point where Bjorn's thoughts all revolve around Anna almost immediately. They spend every waking moment together and when she must leave for three days for a family event, it's the end of the world for Bjorn. From the way he reacts, you would think she was moving to Siberia for a decade. He has all these all-consuming fantasies that other men are lusting after her and she is obliging, at first raising her skirt a little but eventually performing a whole burlesque routine reminiscent of a Rob Marshall film. These fantasies cripple Bjorn for the three days she's away as she has quickly become his center of the universe. Then there's Erik, who isn't in a relationship with Kirsten but still can't get her out of his head. She becomes a sort of escape fantasy for Erik from his humdrum life taking care of his mother and quietly avoiding his father. Unlike the Netflix summary suggests, Twist and Shout is not chock-full of sex scenes. There is only one to speak of and it's hardly the erotic moment you have been led to believe. The scene involves Bjorn and Anna and is more sensual than sexy, more tender than sappy and, ultimately, more realistic than many overblown representations of teenage sex. What is so fascinating about the scene, however, is the transition between it and the next scene. Bjorn and Anna are seen embracing, whether this is pre- or post-coitus we do not know but they obviously with hanky panky on the mind, and the shot dissolves slowly to show Erik slowly caressing a hat Kirsten left at his house after her one visit. Erik eventually lifts it up to his nose, inhaling the scent of Kirsten. The moment on it's own is a bit stalkerish, but connected to the sex scene through a dissolve gives it a whole new sexual connotation and serves as a sad reminder to Erik of what he doesn't have.


The power of Twist and Shout lies in the fact that the film starts off as a broad ode to the days of Beatlemania and eventually becomes this complex study of human emotions. You don't even realize how drawn into the film you are until it's far too late to take yourself out of the film. While Bjorn's relationship with Anna takes an unexpected tumble after a catastrophic event, he winds up with Kirsten, obviously looking for a way to ease his suffering but he eventually ends up in too deep with the relationship. When the two of them become engaged, Bjorn can't even verbalize it to his family. When Bjorn takes Kirsten out on dates, he takes Erik along so he doesn't have to spend alone time with her. As Bjorn is dealing with this, however, things have taken an even darker turn at Erik's house. While the film at first positions Erik's father as a saint for dealing with his wife's illness when she breaks a glass early in the film, the "something off" Bjorn notices quickly rears its ugly head. Erik, based on Bjorn's advice, has started taking his mother out of the house in the hopes that she'll start to feel better. The result is definitely positive; she's not exactly cured but she at least becomes coherent to what is going on around her. The father soon realizes this and takes measures to put a stop to it. In private conversations where he literally shuts the mother out of the room, he clues in Erik as to the cause of her mental problems: first, the cause is "unusual" literature and second is post-partum depression. The story switches so often, and with such alarming drasticness, we begin to wonder whether either of these stories is the answer or if one even exists. As the film progresses, Erik's house slowly becomes colder and creepier, to the point where it's reminiscent of the house in Cries and Whispers. And, at a certain point, these scenes do become a sort of gothic horror movie. A desperate Erik, after his mother gets worse under his father's strict, doctor-free care, makes a late night call to his grandmother to get help. We see dark shadows and figures over his shoulder as he makes the call, but we have no idea what is behind him. His mother? His father? Nothing? Eventually, his father does catch him in the act and it slowly becomes apparent to both us and Erik that he's the real villain in this piece. Later on in the film, as Erik rebels against his father's punishment, Erik's father cuts off a speech from Erik about him not having a childhood with the line, "Don't behave like a child." This line becomes ironic since throughout the rest of the film, whenever Erik encountered his father, he regressed back into an infant under his stern control. This is the first time he's asserted himself and sets the film up for a highly emotional finale.

The title, Twist and Shout, obviously refers to The Beatles song of the same name which permeates the film but it could also be seen as a way of describing the main characters. If Bjorn is the jubiliant, expressive "Shout," then Erik is the uncomfortable, hunched "Twist" and both Tonsberg and Simonsen embody these characteristics flawlessly. It's not surprising that Simonsen, playing Erik, is the character I responded to the most as he is the Emotionally Damaged Boy of this movie and to see him so fully craft everything from his stuttering line delivery to his slouched-over body language makes me wish that Efron had done as much work in Charlie St. Cloud. And Tonsberg is very adept at handling the transition of Bjorn from love struck puppy to emotionally drained vacuum. But their best work often comes when they are together and a whole language between them is spoken in tiny looks and gestures. This is the mark of a true friendship and one of the many fine details of life Twist and Shout manages to convey. A