Top 100 Songs of the 2000's: #40-21

Previous installments: #100-81 #80-61 #60-41

40. Victoria Beckham 'Let Your Head Go'
2003. From Let Your Head Go/This Groove.

Okay, so I'm not going to accuse Vicky B of being the greatest singer on the planet. What she accomplishes on 'Let Your Head Go,' however, is a prime example of one of my guilty pleasures: the less-than-stellar singer who relies on something else to make a hot track. It may not be 'And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going,' but this song is eternally listenable.




39. Blu Cantrell 'Hit 'Em Up Style (Oops!)'
2001. From So Blu.

Who didn't jam out to this song at least once back in 2001? Blu's spirited tale of revenge and love gone wrong was one of the big girl power anthems of the decade. After this song, I know that if anyone has the balls to cheat on me, I'm not going to get angry--I'm just going to have a large garage sale.





38. No Doubt 'It's My Life'
2003. From The Singles 1992-2003.

I think this is my favorite No Doubt song, but everytime I think of it, I remember this ridiculous conversation I had with my grandma about the music video. Her idea of a good singer is someone who just stands there and sings so when she saw Gwen Stefani wildly trashing about in the music video, she started complaining about today's entertainers not having any talent and "Back in my day," etc. I defended Gwen, trying to convince my grandma she was just acting (and she was on death row in the video for God's sake!), but she was not having it. Finally, I gave up because if there's one thing you can't do, it's change my grandmother's mind.



37. Missy Elliott 'Get Ur Freak On'
2001. From Miss E...So Addictive.

Missy's standard; if she were to die right now, this is the song everyone would be using to memorialize her.










36. Eminem 'Lose Yourself'
2002. From 8 Mile (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack).

No matter what stupid shit Eminem raps about or how lame his gimmick continues to be, I remind myself that for a brief period of time, he was actually relevant and released a couple of classic tracks. 'Lose Yourself' is, undeniably, one of these tracks.








35. Sugababes 'Freak Like Me'
2002. From Angels With Dirty Faces.

For all intents and purposes, this update of the mid-90's Adina Howard hit shouldn't have worked. Instead of merely singing the original over again, the 'Babes tailored the song to fit their sound and ended up with their sexiest song until 'Push the Button.'







34. The Killers 'Mr. Brightside'
2004. From Hot Fuss.

Pure adrenaline rush. Everytime this song comes on, I just can't help myself and start screaming every word. At the same time, however, it's also one of the saddest songs I've ever encountered.








33. Christina Aguilera 'Fighter'
2003. From Stripped.

Xtina's defiant battle cry against all the haters is yet another example of my adoration for the subgenre I call Pop Songs as Personal Expression. I undervalued this one back in the day, but over the years, it's often the one I think back of first when recalling Christina during her dirrty Xtina days.








32. Duffy 'Warwick Avenue'
2008. From Rockferry.

A deceptively simple song with some of the most beautiful lyrics I've ever heard. Duffy will always have my heart thanks to this song.








31. Rihanna 'Disturbia'
2008. From Good Girl Gone Bad: Reloaded.

What we originally thought was a creepy pop song from our newest pop princess has become a precursor to the scarily dark and hardened Rated R. Still, without a doubt, the best single she has ever released (that is, unless she releases 'Fire Bomb').







30. Fergie featuring will.i.am 'Fergalicious'
2006. From The Duchess.

She's not Bob Dylan, so you can suck it if you object to her on the grounds that she doesn't make "real" music. I love the ingenious of this song and I don't care if you find me completely shallow. Can you think of any other singer around with the audacity and gusto to pull off a line like "I be up at the gym, just workin' on my fitness/He's my witness"?






29. The Corrs 'Breathless'
2000. From In Blue.

I find, in general, that The Corrs are pretty lame as far as musicians go. In 2000, however, they struck gold (with me, anyways) with the eternally catchy and forever endearing 'Breathless.' I remember how I used to annoy one of my friends in seventh grade by singing this song obnoxiously. Ah, good times.







28. Groove Armada featuring Mutya Buena 'Song 4 Mutya (Out of Control)'
2007. From Soundboy Rock.

For whatever reason, 'Song 4 Mutya' reminds me of the first day of spring when you can finally take a drive with the windows rolled down. Besides, how awesome it that the song incorporates the singer's name into the narrative? You don't get that much outside of a Fergie song (see: 'Fergalicious' at #30).






27. Kanye West featuring Syleena Johnson 'All Falls Down'
2004. From The College Dropout.

It wasn't until a couple of years after 'All Falls Down''s initial run on the charts that I actually took the time to listen to the lyrics and what they were truly about. Well, color me surprised that Kanye, unlike so many other useless rappers around, was pulling off a social critique of excessive consumer spending, people living beyond their means and insecurity. Say what you want about his personality, Kanye is a rapper who actually has something to say; we need more of that around, don't you think?





26. Britney Spears 'Toxic'
2003. From In the Zone.

A Britney song that even non-Britney fans can enjoy without feeling too guilty.










25. Miley Cyrus 'See You Again'
2008. From Hannah Montana 2: Meet Miley Cyrus.

I wanted to resist. Lord knows I tried. But after listening to it 25 times in a row during a trip to the mall sophomore year of college--in a moment of my life straight out a teen movie montage--I fell head over heals in love with Miley and her best friend Leslie. Love or hate everything else Miley does and stands for (Lord knows I'm super critical), 'See You Again' is undeniably an unapologetically pop gem.





24. Madonna 'Don't Tell Me'
2001. From Music.

I swear on my life the video for 'Don't Tell Me' turned me gay.










23. Stacie Orrico '(There's Gotta Be) More To Life'
2003. From Stacie Orrico.

I realize that this is hardly the most sophisticated song ever written, but my 15 year old self connected deeply with Ms. Orrico's ode to searching and hoping for something more in life. If I was on American Idol and tried to manipulate the audience with a sappy story, this is the song that would be playing in the background.







22. Pussycat Dolls 'Buttons'
2006. From PCD.

I credit my re-emergence into mainstream pop music with this song. No matter what I did during the summer of 2006, I could not avoid 'Buttons.' I wanted to hate it at first, but eventually the Dolls wore me down and the song became too damn catchy to hate. When I left for college in September, I started getting hooked again to pure pop music; without 'Buttons' there to prove how great it can be when done right, Lord knows what I'd be listening to now.





21. Outkast 'Ms. Jackson'
2001. From Stankonia.

How on Earth can you not fall in love with a hook like "I'm sorry, Ms. Jackson. Woooo!"? In a decade full of groundbreaking and genre-crossing hip-hop from the duo, 'Ms. Jackson' is a true highlight of their genius.

Nicholas Hoult is Taking Over the World...

...and I don't mind one bit.

Okay, so maybe Nicholas Hoult isn't quite "taking over the world." But he is in every other magazine with a new photo spread in conjunction with the release of A Single Man. Thankfully, this exposure is colliding with my rising infatuation with lust for him. I was initially hooked on Nicky about a year ago when I saw the first couple episodes of Skins, but after I finally finished the damn first season about a month ago, I was gone. He was rude, manipulative, vile, uncaring, almost sociopathic and, yet, oh so sexy. I don't know what this says about me, but I have a thing for male characters who are charming and, at the same time, complete dicks. I don't care who Tony was fucking on that show, I would have ridden him like a bronco (overshare?). That's why I didn't understand the episode where Tony offers to have sex with Maxxie and Maxxie TURNS HIM DOWN. I was like, "Are you blind, boy?"



Now that A Single Man has blown up, relatively speaking, and Nicky has become director/fashion designer Tom Ford's muse of sorts, he's been featured in all of the fashion magazines. I'm fascinated by the director/muse relationship in general since it usually involves a director inspired by an actress (and who among us isn't inspired by at least one actress in any time period?). There are a couple of memorable male/male relationships of this sort (Kurosawa/Mifune, Scorsese/DeNiro, Scorsese/DiCaprio), but Ford and Hoult are interesting because Ford seems entranced by his beauty more so than his talent (which, let me reiterate, Nicky does have). As I'm sure I've said before, I'm all for the objectification of men--Lord knows women have been subjected to it for years--so it's nice to see that a smart, interesting actor like Nicholas Hoult is being exploited, for the time being at least, for his looks. Better him than someone like Orlando Bloom or Hayden Christensen.

Another reason, besides his looks and his talent, to love Nicky is his great sense of humor. Take a gander at this interview from the Guardian and see what I mean. The first half of the interview portrays him as nothing more than your typical "young male actor uncomfortable with the spotlight," but by the end his true playful personality emerges in such quips like:

"The questions I was asked most often were about Tom Ford's direction, playing a gay character and then there was the being-very-naked question [about his skinny-dipping scene with Firth]. It was just naked, gay and Tom, really."

and

"I check to see if he still wants me to say he's a bare-knuckle fighter. 'Oh yes – I've been training with my nan this morning,' he laughs. 'Actually, I've got tonsilitis and I've spent the last few days on the sofa eating ice cream with my nan. Today we're going to watch Driving Miss Daisy. Then we're going to re-enact it afterwards. We're already dressed up and… no, I'm not going to go there.'"

and

"He's also been reading at lot. At the moment it's The Five People You Meet in Heaven and before that it was The Life of Pi, which he thought would make a wonderful film. 'But I looked it up and Ang Lee's already on it. Damn him, he steals all my ideas.'"

Brains, beauty and a sense of humor? He's almost too good to be true.

For more Nicholas Hoult hilarity, check out this review of his favorite restaurant.

Happy (Belated) 3rd Anniversary, Rants of a Diva!

I always remember my blog's anniversary because it (coincidentally) occurs on Our Lord and Savior Oprah Winfrey's birthday. For some reason, I got my dates mixed up and it wasn't until I was on my way out to work for the day that I realized yesterday was, in fact, my blog's birthday. Oops! How careless of me.

Wow, three whole years. I can't even believe it. When I started Rants of a Diva one random night as a freshman college student, I never would have thought it would last more than a couple months. I guess I underestimated how much I really enjoy getting online and bitching about any random thing thing that comes to mind. To be honest, though, I don't think Rants of a Diva would still be around if it wasn't for friends and commenters alike who express appreciation and encourage debate on many of my inane postings. So, as I say every year, THANK YOU. Thanks for sticking around and continuing to make Rants of a Diva an interesting place to come back to day after day.

As I do every year, I like to offer up a summary of my best and favorite posts of the past year as a way of celebrating of the year's accomplishments and introducing any new readers to what Rants of a Diva is all about. Let's dig in, shall we?

Film Rants
The Razor's Edge
If you ever want to find yourself attacked by random people on the interweb all you have to do is insult Tyrone Power and the vultures will come. Learned that one the hard way.

The History Boys
So much potential--namely from Stephen Campbell Moore and Dominic Cooper--squandered on morally ambivalent themes, lazy direction and a ham-handed lead performance.

So Many Women, So Little Time: Up in the Air and Nine
Was I the only one offended by the sexual politics of both of these movies?

The Hangover Will Not Be Nominated for Best Picture
The whole buzz behind this movie still baffles me. How this film won a Golden Globe will puzzle me until the day I die.

Salò
I'm still scarred.

My Inner Monologue During Twilight Saga: New Moon
Opening night: "OMG TAYLOR LAUTNER IS SO SEXY"
Two weeks later: "WHY IS THIS FILM SO BORING?"

Were the World Mine
What a lazy piece of homophobic trash.

Performance Highlights
8 Great Things About Susan Hayward in I'll Cry Tomorrow
Easily dismissible by today's acting standards as a ham, Susan Hayward turns her usual mannerisms into one of the most psychotic looks at alcoholism ever portrayed.

Taraji P. Henson Can Do Amazing All By Herself
Ignore all the haters; Tyler Perry delivers his smoothest film to date while Taraji P. Henson proves that she's an actress to reckon with.

The Tween Subculture
Jonas With a Chance
My initial impressions of JONAS and Sonny With a Chance. An obsession builds.

Send It On. On and On.
An interpretation of the behind the scenes drama on the music video for Disney's global warming anthem 'Send It On.'

"Soooo Chad. I Need a Favor"
Is Chad Dylan Cooper the greatest actor of his generation?

Le Music
Here Come the Girls
Six music videos from both old pros (Britney!) and newcomers (Demi!)

Albums of the 2000's: Britney Spears Blackout
I haven't gotten around to writing another installment of this series (damn me for not being a music writer) but I hope you enjoyed this ode to THE best album of the past decade.

The Boys!
Lady GaGa Knows Her Stuff
The chrorus to 'Boys Boys Boys' is represented visually by yours truly. Your welcome.

Zac Efron & Les Auteurs
He wants to work with some challenging directors. Here's what I imagine his projects with various auteurs would look like.

Imaginary Boyfriends of 2009
You loved my 2008 edition and, lo and behold, you also appreciated 2009's roster. Includes Sterling Knight, Kris Allen and Chad White.

My New Favorite Gays
Kings and The United States of Tara introduced us to two gay characters I would kill to see more of in the movies and on TV: the manipulative and scheming villain and the quiet, classic film-loving cutey.

Lists
25 Best Performances of the TV Season
Truth: I actually kind of don't like this post. I think my writing is atrocious. But, nonetheless, you all went crazy for it and commented on it more than any other post this year. Thank you!

My Top 10 Ideal Action Stars
What would happen if Miley Cyrus and Victoria Beckham were cast in stupid action blockbusters?

22 Reasons to Celebrate Zac Efron's 22nd Birthday
An ode to my future husband on his birthday.

Assorted Goodies
People Who Can Suck It: Gwyneth Paltrow and Megan Fox
These two are both twatbags for completely different reasons.

Casting The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay
My new favorite book was, at one point, slated to be made into a movie. Here's who I want to be cast (In retrospect, however, I would completely trade out Kellan Lutz as Tracy for, as someone randomly suggested, Chris Pine).

The Ladies of 2009
The female counterpart to the Imaginary Boyfriends. These six women made 2009 a year to remember.

Faye Dunaway vs. Hilary Duff
The Duffster tries to throwdown with the one and only Faye motherfucking Dunaway. Guess whose side I'm on.

Things I Learned at the 2008 Oscars
RDJ is hot, Zac wants to have sex with Dev Patel and Beyoncé is a motherfucking DIVA.

I Am Terrified for the Future of Filmmaking
If all directors of the future are as retarded as the ones in my film class this past semester, I mourn the loss of the medium.

My New Favorite Celebrity Couple
You can keep your Brangelinas--Meestan is the celebrity couple I can truly get behind.

People Who Can Stop Sucking It: Katy Perry

I know I've been harsh towards Katy Perry over the past year and a half, but Lord knows she deserved it. When 'I Kissed a Girl' became an overnight sensation a couple summers ago, I dismissed her and the song's popularity quite harshly because of the fact it is just another piece of shit song about girls making out for the pleasure of straight guys. Just thinking about that song now pisses me off to no extent (let's not even get into 'Ur So Gay'). Thankfully, her next singles ('Hot N Cold' and 'Waking Up in Vegas') were great enough to slightly forgive her for 'I Kissed a Girl.' I still wasn't completely on Team Katy, however, because I still think she tries too hard to be taboo and shocking (she's not as bad as Adam Lambert, thank the Lord).

When she was announced as a guest judge for Idol this past week, I honestly wasn't expecting much: she'd deliver a couple pointless critiques, I'd yawn and we'd all go on with our boring lives. Imagine my surprise when she came out swinging, ready to piss off contestants and judges alike without giving a shit who she offended. Watch the amazingness below:

The best bits:

1. "This isn't a Lifetime movie!"
2. Kara: "Are you hot or are you cold?" Katy: Sarcastic guffaw and cymbal crash
3. Kara: "I kissed a dolphin and I liked it" Katy: "Please stop. Or I'm gonna have to throw my Coke in your face."

My favorite part about all this is that she is completely gunning for Kara. Now, I've made no secret about my hatred for the incoherent fucktard that is Kara, so seeing Katy just lay into her and call her out on her bullshit just made my day. You can tell by her demeanor that Kara cannot believe someone would have the audacity to question her judgment--she's an American Idol judge, Goddamnit. Who knows better than her how to manipulate the audience with cheesy backstories, mediocre vocals and shameless manipulation spot talent?

All I can say is, thank you, Katy Perry. Thank you for bringing Kara down a few notches and reminding her that she isn't some huge irreplaceable star with talent and wisdom to spare (like she often thinks she is). For your complete owning of Kara DioGuardi, you officially are off my "People Who Can Suck It" list. Congratulations! I sincerely hope this can list because, honestly, as a gay man, I want to like you. You seem fun, silly and ridiculously unconcerned with what people think of you- all my favorite things.

Top Rentals of 2009

While, more or less, the films of 2009 have been generally disappointing, the best of my film rentals from previous years were everything 2009 wasn't: exciting, electric, and thought provoking. I find that the older and crankier I get, the harsher my grading becomes, so color me surprised that I ended up with seven A-worthy films (two of which came over the same weekend!) at the end of the year. Without further ado, here are, in a rough descending order, the 22 best film rentals I saw in 2009. If you haven't seen these films, I urge you to stop everything you are doing and check them out now. Why suffer through 2009's shit crop of bad films when you can enjoy these flicks?

A's
Masculin féminin
Jean-Luc Godard's wild mix of sexual politics, male/female relationships, war and 60's pop culture is both the precursor to his wacky later political films like Week End and Tout Va Bien and the main reason why I want to live in 60's France. Breathless may be Godard's masterpiece from a technical stand point, but Masculin féminin is simply my favorite from his massive filmography. Bonus points: Jean-Pierre Léaud's best non-Antoine Doinel performance.

I'll Cry Tomorrow
A clinically insane biopic of alcoholic Lillian Roth led by a ballsy, go-for-broke performance from Susan Hayward. I don't think Intervention has ever made alcoholism look this disgusting and degrading. My original thoughts here.

The Servant
The male precursor to Bergman's Persona. Young playboy James Fox hires my imaginary boyfriend Dirk Bogarde as his butler but, eventually, relationship dynamics change to the point that we are not sure who is the master and who is the slave anymore. The third act is so indescribably nutsy it has to be seen to be believed.

Ballad of a Soldier
Between this and The Cranes Are Flying, it appears that the go-to country for dreamy romantic melodramas in the late 50's was, of all places, the Soviet Union.

A Woman is a Woman
The random in-jokes, the way the characters play to the camera and the free-flow narrative all on display in Godard's New Wave homage to the musical exemplifies why I love his work.

Salò, or The 120 Days of Sodom
I still have nightmares about this film. If you think you've seen it all, try watching Salò without getting the urge to vomit. My original thoughts here.

Design for Living
The charming and dapper Gary Cooper and Fredric March match wits with the perpetually underrated Miriam Hopkins in this utterly hilarious (and quite risqué) Ernst Lubitsch comedy.

A-'s
Chungking Express
The first Wong Kar-wai film I've seen that I fell hook, line and sinker for. The two sequences could hardly be any more different, but they both beautifully portrayed the heartbreak and pain that goes with being in love.

Nanook of the North
The first big "documentary" (there's still quite a bit of debate about that) also happens to be one of the most entertaining and all-around engrossing films of the silent era. Who knew that Eskimoes lived such fascinating (and perilous) lives?

Two for the Road
If you get past the annoying British New Wave camera tracks, you will be surprised to discover a smart, mercilessly funny film chronicling the ups and downs of marriage. Audrey Hepburn has never been better, both as an an actress and as a style icon (oh that big hair and those sunglasses!) and Albert Finney was surprisingly bearable, even engaging in his best moments.

The King of Comedy
Minus The Departed, this is probably the most fun I've ever had with a Scorsese film. The satire is dead-on and timelier than ever in today's web-based celebrity culture.

Beaches
Given its camp reputation (and the fact it stars Bette Midler and directed by Gerry Marshall), I expected a shameless melodrama in the vein of The Notebook. Well color me surprised at how emotionally honest and unmanipulative Beaches is. When the tearjerking finale came about, it earned whatever tears it was able to generate.

Valentino
Another fantastic film about the perils of celebrity. Ken Russell's biopic of Rudolph Valentino may not be historically accurate, but it's one of the few films I've seen that truly captures the spirit and insanity of 1920's Hollywood.

Joshua
Sam Rockwell and Vera Farmiga star in this indie horror movie about the horror of a family breaking up amidst an upper-class surroundings. I was so entranced by this movie I kept it an extra day and watched it again; it did not disappoint on a second viewing. My original thoughts here.

The Marriage of Maria Braun
I really need to see more Fassbinder films because I'm two for three so far and the only one I wasn't crazy about (Querelle) at least had Brad Davis as a hunky homosexual sailor who gets fucked in the ass. Maria Braun boasts a fantastic lead performance from Hanna Schygulla as a headstrong woman trying to survive the aftermath of Nazi Germany.

Intruder in the Dust
A quiet, unassuming and surprisingly down-to-earth take on race relations in post-WWII America from, of all studios, MGM. For people appalled by Hollywood's treatment of blacks during the Studio Era, seek this one out to get the bitter taste out of your mouth.

2 Days in Paris
When talking about 2007's cinematic treats, why does no one talk about this gem of a romantic comedy starring and directed by Julie Delpy? Another underrated film I cannot recommend enough.

Kings and Queen
I wasn't as entranced by it as I was by A Christmas Tale, but Desplechin's film before that masterpiece ain't too shabby either. Emmanuelle Devos has such a tricky character to navigate (it's never quite clear whether she is the martyr or the villain of this piece) but she nails it without so much as breaking a sweat.

Best of the B+'s
Hiroshima, Mon Amour
I was expecting a pretentious "art" film that I would struggle to get through but, instead, ended up with a heartbreaking doomed romance that I couldn't get enough of.

Tokyo Story
I've seen a couple other Ozu films and was decidedly underwhelmed by them. Tokyo Story, on the other hand, completely captivated me. Setsuko Hara was an unexpected delight as the dutiful sister who is the only sibling who doesn't blatantly ignore her parents when they make the journey from their country home to the city to visit them.

Two English Girls
Truffaut's massively underrated tragedy about a Frenchman (Jean-Pierre Léaud) who spends years romantically involved with two sisters. Perpetually downbeat, Two English Girls is almost too heartbreaking to watch. Bonus points: the costumes are absolutely to die for. I seriously want JPL's wardrobe.

The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie
This film is worth it simply for the final scene, a verbal throwdown between Dame Maggie Smith's shady teacher and Pamela Franklin as her disgruntled former student wise to her manipulative ways. The inspirational teacher drama with a twist.

Happy Australia Day!

Happy Australia Day, mate! Okay, I'd be lying if I said, as a stereotypical lazy American, I knew what Australia Day was actually celebrating. However, that doesn't matter because any day where I can celebrate Aussies is a day I can get behind. I must give a major "g'day" to Glenn, the only Australian I actually know and have had a conversation with. To celebrate the holiday, he came up with a list of the Top 25 Australian Films of the Decade, 19 of which are available in the US. Shame on me for having only seen one of these films. I guess I know what I need to work on once my latest Godard and Truffaut bender dies down. Australia has also produced some of my favorite celebrities: acting goddess Nicole Kidman, the eternally dependable Toni Collette, the sexy DILF Hugh Jackman, Australia's equivalent to Madonna Kylie Minogue, etc. The list goes on and on. However, I can't let this golden opportunity pass and not talk about my current Aussie "It Boy" Xavier Samuel. I feel a bit silly going so gaga over him after only seeing one of his films (the surfing film Newcastle where Xavier plays a gay emo/goth), but I honestly can't help it. Have you seen pictures of him? The boy can literally go for a coffee run in sweats and look like he has just stepped out of a fashion editorial. They certainly know to grow 'em in the land down under, don't they?

Rants on Avatar

I'm in a bit of a "damned if I do, damned if I don't" situation concerning Avatar, director James Cameron's epic 3D action film currently burning up box office records, becoming in six short weeks one of the top grossing movies of all time. If you have been following my Twitter since Avatar's release, I have been talking non-stop trash about the film. From the first trailer, I thought the whole thing looked incredibly stupid, but when the "Avatar is changing movies as we know it" campaign started, I, for lack of a better word, lost my shit. This angered fans of the movie, I'm sure, but, consequently aligned me with those (admittedly few and far between) haters of the movie. This is not entirely surprising given my track record with blockbuster action films, but I digress. Now that I've finally seen the movie, my problem has now become how my reaction will align myself with everyone else. I didn't outright hate Avatar like I thought I would (my friend Sammi told me to keep an open mind and I did the best that I could) but there's no way my reaction will please the fans who may not be calling it the "greatest movie EVER OMG" but were still impressed by the film. Of all the times to end up in the middle of a discussion, it has to be with the most financially successful film of our time. Go figure.

I'm one of those old dinosaurs who truly believes that CGI and computer-related special effects have ruined the movies. Often times I find they are used simply for spectacle and, as a result, do nothing for me in enhancing my movie watching experience. I don't care if they just blew up the fucking Empire State Building--that doesn't mean the surrounding film is any good. Give me Godard shooting a film about Maoism in what looks like my parents' basement or Hepburn and Grant running around the New England countryside chasing a leopard any day of the week. With that being said, I must admit that I thought the 3D special effects in Avatar were nicely done. Rather than rely solely on stupid 3D movie tricks--you know, something randomly getting thrown at the screen just so the audience can go, "Whoa, 3D, man!"--the film subtly immerses us into this invented world of Pandora. You feel a part of the movie in ways I have not experienced before. You're not "there" per se, but it is a hell of a lot closer total immersion in a film world than any CGI fuckfest I have seen before.

As great and inventive as the special effects were, I cannot fully support Avatar because, no matter the film's excessive stylization and massive visuals, we have seen everything else in the film hundreds of times before. The film, numerous times, has been compared to Pocahontas but I actually thought it was closer to another Disney film: The Lion King. With the Na'vi's deep connection to nature and the other creatures who live with them, the odd African tribal music that punctuated the score and the finale, which might as well have had a chorus of Na'vis high-kicking a verse of 'Circle of Life,' I was expecting Simba to pop out eventually and help Jake Sully fight off the Army. While the script wasn't as atrocious as I had heard, I was still concerned that most of the characters were nothing but one-dimensional stereotypes, firmly on either side of good and evil and amped up to 11. The bad guys are so unstomachably bad, I could hardly stand the implausibility of some scenes. Aside from Sigourney Weaver as the no-bullshit, ballsy scientist, the acting is fairly rote as far as these things go. The only truly awful performance comes courtesy of Stephen Lang as the juiced-up, maniacally evil Colonel who often feels like one of those cartoon-ish clowns in an early 3D video game from the early to mid 90's that would shout at the camera with the most godawful lines ever written. And I know it's unfair to compare to a director's earlier work, but the scene where the Army knocks down the tree the Na'vi live in pales in comparison to the terror Cameron drums up for the finale of Titanic. Even the finale, as epic and thrilling as it is (I, at one point, found myself shouting "Kill whitey!" and breathed an epic sigh of relief once the Colonel was killed), was really nothing that an above average action director could have done given Cameron's massive budget. Maybe if Avatar hadn't been billed as the Movie That Changes Movies As We Know Them, I could be a little more fair towards it. But to truly live up to that billing, I expect a little more than I was given in this film. C+